Should You Call the Cops on Your Kids?
Would you call the police on your own kids? Are parents turning over parenting to police? Anderson speaks with moms who claim that they were so overwhelmed by their children's behavior that they actually called the cops to have them arrested.
Meet a mother who claims her daughter ruined her life... and mom wound up in jail as a result of involving law enforcement. Then, meet another mom who called police when one daughter bit the other. Are these children out of control, or are these moms bad parents?
Anderson also talks to a police captain who says he gets calls from parents all the time... even to get their kids out of bed! Should police resources be used for this?
Plus, meet the woman who has been dubbed "America's Worst Mom," Lenore Skenazy, who made global headlines when she let her then 9-year-old son ride the subway in New York City alone. Skenazy discusses helping "helicopter" moms raise "free-range kids" on her new show, TLC International's "World's Worst Moms."
Comments
I(we) had our son arrested after he went awol from the service.
Would do it again
When I watched this show, Karyn's story was a duplicate of mine, with the exception that my daughter never made up any lies about me to get me in trouble. She did threaten to call the police on me if I ever hit her. Until you've been in our shoes, you'll never understand want we went through before we resorted to calling the police. I never expected the police to help me parent my child. The first time I called the police was when my daughter took off down the street & refused to come back inside. Unless you have a child run away & you're totally helpless to do anything about it, you just can't understand the fear that goes through your mind, not being able to keep your child safe. I would love to be able to talk to Karyn since we have similar situations. My daughter is currently locked up in a juvenile facility, and I go visit her every other Sunday. When she gets out, she'll be 18, so she probably won't be coming back home. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust her again. She's already made it clear that she'll be a legal adult & doesn't need to have rules anymore. I told her she wouldn't be able to live with me unless she obeyed my rules. So, until she grows up & understands there are rules for a reason, I don't see us ever sharing a home again. It's really sad when your child becomes a person you don't even recognize anymore, but I'll always love her & hopefully someday we'll be able to reconcile. Please give my email address to the woman that was on your show, Karyn, so that maybe we can help each other get through this tough time in our lives. Thank you.
After reading all the comments to date, I'm very happy we did this show. I was very wrong that I thought our situation was a semi-isolated incident. The majority of the comments are very telling in what is going on out there. I appreciate those who have taken the time to respond.
I believe it was Shannon, among others, who made a very similar and VERY true comment, 'the laws have taken my rights as a parent away'. I also like to say the those in the 'system' are confusing 'children's rights' as the children BEING right. Parenting requires holding children accountable and responsible for their actions, but the namby-pamby laws, and attitudes of many in the various social agencies, have taken away the parent's right to any meaningful parenting.
In Caryn's case, when Caryn found out that one month her daughter was on her cell phone more time than the amount of hours she was in school, Caryn took her daughter's cell phone away. Shortly thereafter, the judge handling the 'family' side of this case gave it back to her - even though it was the child's grandparents who were paying for the phone! It was in no way the child's phone.
The unfortunate thing in Caryn's case also, and a good lesson to others so you know what may happen, is that the story Caryn's daughter made up against here was partially made up by the local police as well. Caryn's daughter came up with the 'abuse' end of the story. Then the police, even though Caryn's daughter made it clear during questioning that she was NEVER locked in any room, still continued to make up the 'locked in the room' scenario. The police who responded didn't seem much older than the juvenile, and readily took her side in the made up charges, forcing Caryn and I to be taken from our homes in the middle of the night at gun-point, and fight the system for almost the next year.
Parents AREN'T allowed to parent anymore because of the fear of a child threatening abuse on the parent. The parents who aren't afraid to do so, kudos to you. Just be advised that if the cops are ever called by your child claiming abuse, even though you haven't done anything wrong, do NOT assume they are all going to be your friend. Children are becoming worse because the 'system' has given children all the rights, while taking them from parents trying to do the right thing and teach the children the right path.
This entitlement generation IS so afraid to work for anything that the police in our case took a photo of a chore list (take out garbage, clean your room, walk the dog) as evidence of child abuse - sad.
The answer is holding everyone at all levels accountable for their actions. We can't 'sanction the incompetence' of those who are taking away parents' rights to be, well, responsible parents.
As an aside, if anyone is reading this who ever ends up on a jury regarding the fate of a parent over 'child abuse' or 'neglect', I urge you to remember what you have read here, and really decipher the facts of the case, and ask yourself if it's likely the child made the story up. We all have to take as much control as possible and do the right thing even though the right thing is often the hardest thing to do.
Thanks for listening,
Randy Ganther
I called the cops on two of my three kids. One on a drug charge the other on pornography charges. Would I do it again? Damn right!
"Calling the police on your kids" I have to say this show infuriated my husband and I. The "mom and her boyfriend" story about what they have went thru with her daughter is so familiar to us. But Anderson, the Psychologist and audience all attacked and judged her for calling the police on her daughter.
Its not that us parents want the authorities to parent our out of control teens, but that we want support and help to deal with it. Not a new buddy for our defiant adolescent.
FYI...Anderson, you really need to let your guests talk and list to their responses. You cut them off all the time!!
I had to file for a Petition of Injunction against my daughter,a 48 year old Bi-Polar/Manic Depression who made cruel, malicious and evil allegations against me that caused embarrassment towards my piers, Government Agencies investigating my credibility, and blemished relationships with family and friends.Although she is an adult, she is still my child. She started showing signs of mental health issues at the young age of 15...we had individual and family counseling. We've had this demonic behavior in our family for four decades. Learning to love from a distance has been a challenge for me and the members of our family. Bottom line...no Police Officer, Social Service Agency, Psychiatrist, Psychologist can solve the problem...the problems are deep-rooted and unless the individuals involved in the situation maintain their faith, preserverance and determination, and respect for one another...efforts to make it better falls apart.
Anderson, I really enjoy you on CNN and on your daily show. I do have to say, that after watching the show about parents calling the police, felt very one sided. Totally not like you.
The mother that was arrested after calling the police on her daughter..... It's not always what people think and even though it might not be a popular thing to admit, that kind of thing happens ALL THE TIME.
I am not sure where you got that "specialist" or why you could call a cop in Anniston Alabama (I live in Atlanta and know Anniston well, they have a population of 24,000 people, the average kid quits school at 16) I wouldn't consider that to be the example of any city in any state.
However, I have an Aunt and Uncle that are incredible people. They have successfully raised 3 of their own kids, except 1. They have done so much for her kids, including me and my sisters after my mother gave us up and prior to my grandparents adopting us.
My cousin is exactly an example of what that lady was speaking of (the lady that went to jail after calling the police on her daughter). My 14 year old cousin, lies, manipulates, steals, cheats, I could go on and on. My Aunt and Uncle switched school systems, they tried counseling at the school, individual counseling, family counseling, they even moved to a new city. Bottom line, my little cousin is a NIGHTMARE and we all know it.
When I go home, I stay in a hotel as my cousin is known to steal from family if it means getting money. We have a very large family. We are all aware of my cousin’s actions.
This is the final issue after 3 years of rebellion.
My 14 years old cousin, NOT even in high school, wanted to go to a party given by some high school guys on a Friday night. Her parents did not agree and said when she got to high school, that’s something they might consider. My cousin was so angry.
My Aunt and Uncle went to the police, they did not call 911, this was probable their 7th time to file a report, when their child threatened them, warning them to watch themselves as it would be sad if one of them were to be hurt in their sleep.
My Aunt and Uncle wanted there to be a record with the police should anything happen. They were finally forced to put a lock on their bedroom door so that they might be able to get sleep.
That week end, my Aunt and Uncle went away for 1 night; it was supposed to be a 2 night get away. They left Saturday, as they felt it necessary to stay home Friday to make sure she didn’t sneak out and go to the party.
When my Aunt and Uncle returned from their overnight trip late Sunday, almost evening, the police were waiting and arrested my Aunt as her 14 year old daughter called the police and claimed that her parents put a lock on her bedroom door, the lock wasn’t on my cousin’s door, and they were holding her against her will. She showed bruises, minor cuts and scratches, and blamed my Aunt.
My Grandparents were there that week end watching the kids while my Aunt and Uncle went away. My cousin is somewhat a tomboy, playing sports, climbing trees, so scratches and bruises were not out of the norm.
Regardless of all the times my Aunt and Uncle went to the police and filed reports, the police did not walk the house or check out the bedrooms to see verify if there was a lock on my cousins door, there was not, the only lock was on the master bedroom, on the interior of the door.
However, the police took my 14 year old cousins word vs her parents even after they had reported my cousins actions as concerning.
Charges were filed against my Aunt. She faced prison time for child abuse, holding a child against her will and mental distress. My Aunt was fined almost $10,000 and ordered to attend anger management classes. My Aunt, after teaching for 35 years, was fired for having a felony charge on her record including abusing a child. That will never go away.
My cousin’s response to her parents, "You better think twice before telling me I can't go somewhere". Several people heard that including a policeman and nothing was done in support of my Aunt.
It's a sad a truth and maybe some people haven't given as much as they could regarding parenting, BUT many have and feel they have NO other choice but to get the police involved.
I know what the mom feels like. When my child was in kindergarten he came home and said..My teacher says you are not allowed to hit us or yell at us and we are to come to school and tell her! Thats where it started. The next day I walked into the school and TOLD HER If I feel like disciplining my child I will. Later I went to work and told my boss, the Sheriff what that teacher said .He felt the same way I did. My son was one of those kids that was uncontrollable kids. We went to counselling and to him it was a joke! His Friends ruled him! Even with my resources, no matter what I did It wasnt enough. As a parent, I felt like a failure and was made to feel that way by every person that I went to see for help. My child was never abused, but the abuse that he and his friends put on me was bad. To the point that I banned some of them from my house. He is currently 24 . I have not seen him in 4 yrs. He has made it known that I am dead to him and his friends. I do not know where he is or what is happening in his life, by his choice.
No matter what I did it was never enough. If I said something or did something because he became abusive to me then I was in the wrong. I did not want to put my child in jail, or even on a psych ward because of what label they would have, or for fear of the retaliation after they came home...
I blame society and the media for taking parenting away from the parents. Telling a child, its okay to do whatever because your parents cant touch you.
I divorced an abusive husband and attempted twice previously in another state. I realize I should have left him the first time he hit me because it is not healthy for children to view abuse. Now I am a single parent to three children. It is a huge challenge to parent children of an abusive husband because they in turn have learned behaviors. The cycle is challenging because I love my children. I have found through the long process that surviving abuse and rehabilitation from it is very lonely. I found that the one day we had recently volunteered that my children had sincerely had a good experience possibly opening their world to being part of a bigger world. I hope that maybe you could do a show concerning the family and the possibility of healing through volunteering in their community and other sources if they exist. Thank you. Sincerely, Amy.
I took custody of my grandson when he was 6, he had been through much and wemt into counseling. When he was in middle school I could not get him to get up for school & he was bigger than me. I did not want him to get away with it so I did call the school & they sent their officer here to force him to school. I wasn't turning over my responsibility to them, I was asking for their help and they gave it gladly & it helped! He is now in high school doing wonderfully. Thank you, officers, for your help!
I have an out of control 8 year old. He has stabbed his sister in the leg and she ended up in emerg. He poured candle wax on her face and in her hair. He tries jumping out of my car when Im driving. He cusses at me, comes at me with knives, bites me spits in my face.
I really feel for Caryn. She was NOT making excuses, her story sounds like mine. I have been to the family dr only to be told he is fine. I demanded so see a pediatrician only to be given a medicine which causes seizures and no explanation about anything. Finally the school has stepped in. My son is suppose to be seeing a counsellor, but that has yet to happen. He has been referred to child/youth mental health from a social worker who then closed our case. Mean while I sit here with absolutely no help and no solution. Im just hopping I can solve these issues before he becomes a teen and it gets worse. Im scaird it could get to the point where he might hurt someone to the point of death..mainly my young daughter.
I was upset by some of the people who said it was the parents fault. I do not agree. I have friends who have an out of control 15 year old. They have had to call the cops multiple times since June of 2011. He cusses, and twice pushed his mother down the stairs, and has said he would punch, stab and kill her boyfriend. They have since done an "ungoverned" to help with his running away. Each time he runs away he gets points added to his name. He is close to getting into JJC, Juvenile Justice Center. He is the bully. He's stole, lied, and threatened the lives of his own, mother, younger brother, and her boyfriend. To say it is the parents fault is not true. I was really offended by the doctor on the show and the people in the people in the audience.
First, I have to say that I am an avid fan of Mr.Anderson Cooper, however, I was not impressed with some of the comments he made regarding the woman on the panel of the 1/25 aired show addressing parents that find a need to call the police on their undesirable, misbehaved, and outright disrespectful and dangerous children.
I too experienced a situation with a sociopathic teenager (my nephew) to whom I became a legal guardian; It was not fun. I was not asking the police for parenting tips; I just needed assistance to secure my safety from this drug-laden (crazy), pathological lying kid. And yes, it is (at times) difficult to get help from different sources; It is not just a myriad o excuses as described on the show. Perhaps the audience should have been filled with a more "diverse" audience who agree that "time out" or "sit in the corner" is not always a viable solution.
Despite the fact that I saved my nephew from the broken foster care system in New York City, he almost ruined my life. It took time and therapy to recover from the damage he caused.
I hope Anderson reads this.....
Anderson, your show was way off base. It was obvioous to me that some of your audience members have no experience with out of control teens. They need to keep their judgement of Caryn to themselves. I enjoy your news show, Anderson 360..., but am disappointed in your talk show. You appeared to be taking sides and egging people on to judge the mothers who called the cops. I agree, some parents call too often for minor things but that was not the case here.
My eldest sister was the abuser in our home. She beat on my brothers, my mother and myself for years. My mom tried everything; counceling, moving her in with a relative of my sister's choice, bribes, threats, you name it my mother tried it. Yes, she also called the cops. My sister also acused our mother of abuse but the local PD was well acquainted with her as she was raising hell in school and all over town as well, so the complaints were taken with a grain of salt.
The beatings stopped when my older brother grew strong enough to take my sister on. He was not happy nor is he proud of what he did but he saved us.
I do not believe that she had or has a mental condition because the threat of my brother taking care of business is enough to make her think twice before even arguing with our mother.
Sometimes kids are just bad people, my sister certainly was and continues to be at nearly 50 years o****e.
Until you walk in our shoes, you have no right to judge. My heart breaks for Caryn, I've been there. And I've also been criticized for what I had to do. My daughter was violent and physically and verbally abusive to me. Yes, she was in therapy, but she didn't want help. In addition she was on drugs and heavily drinking. Finally the therapists, my own and hers, told me if she raises a hand to me again to call the police. The first time was so hard and I left her in juvenile detention for 2 weeks until her trial. That began almost 2 years of arrests, programs, therapy, hospitlizations...and finally I was able to get her into a mental health facility for 5 months. I felt like a horrible mother but there was nothing else I could do. And in VA I needed a court order to have her out into a facility to get help. So I needed to do what I did.
I wish I could say she is cured, but she is now 18 and at college, something I never thought she would be able to achieve. She herself says that if I didn't do what I did, she would likely be dead.
So please don't judge others until you are in their shoes.