'Families in Crisis' & 'Is Your House Making You Fat?'
Can your marriage survive this tough economy? Anderson speaks with a couple whose marriage is crumbling because of the stress of financial hardship. He examines the recent "mancession" trend, where out of work husbands are forced to take on stay-at-home duties while their wives become breadwinners.
Life coach Mel Robbins is on hand to dole out a four-step plan that can help save your relationship during tough economic times.
Then, is your house making you fat? With the holidays behind us, everyone is looking for a quick fix to ditch the extra pounds. But there's a more sustainable option… and it's right inside your home -- no treadmill involved.
Nutritionist Dawn Jackson Blatner reveals the simple changes you can make around your home (and inside your fridge) to help you lose the pounds and get your health back on track.
Photo: Inside Anderson's Fridge!
Comments
I am watching the show about the stay at home dad, and the working mom. Times are tough for everyone, but one way or another you get through it. I think with the wife being critical bout the husband cleaning the house everyday is a little harsh. I'm sure she's feeling anger towards him because of thier situation, but really it isn't his or her fault, life happens, its hoe you react to the situaton. My family and I had a fire April 2011, day before Easter, no one was hurt, except for my 13 yr bird, and the fire was in his room from a power plug short circuit, he lost everything. We were out of the house for 6 weeks, parents, 2 boys 9 &13, a 13 yr shepard, and a cat, we were in my husband brothers house in a little room aboe the garage. It was hard having 2 families with diferent rules living together. But we were thankful, to be safe and have shelter. The craziness of what the fire caused between money, dealing with the insurance & the bank (which is still going on) tested us. And I think that being thankful and positve and having love is what gets us through. Things are still tough, our shepard got sick and she passed, we are still waiting on the bank for the $ to finish the house, my hours at work have been cut back, & we are still struggeling with bills, and food, and replacing things.
I guess what I'm saying is be grateful for the stay at home dad does what he does instead of critizing. Just be grateful for what you have not what you don't have. God doesn't give you anymore than you can handel. Have faith, love and laugh..just laugh.
The subject went straight to the heart of my experience. My partner went through a horrible divorce and then lost his job as an arquitect. I had to go to work to support us and my daughter for four years in another country, commuting every week and a half back to New York. I grew to almost hate him and resented the fact that he seemed to take for granted that I would pick up the slack. There were times I could not get past that fact and our relationship suffered greatly. I supported him whilst he built a new arquitectural firm. We lost sight of our relationship and the fact that we are a partnership that needs to nurture itself through hard times. I loved when Mel Robbins said you are horrible communicators. This was so true for us. I think the relationship took a tirn for the better when I decided to stop resenting in silence and he promised to step up to the plate. We are on the journey of re-building.
We hear frequently that men who work should not be exempt from helping out at home afterwards., or even giving their wives some time off. Why should it be different for women who work? I am a 60 yr. Old women, who has always worked.
I married my wife in 1998. We got together in 1995. We started of in a one bedroom appartment in Seaford De.. We stayed there for about an year before we moved back in our hometown laurel. The house that we rented had two bedrooms and 1 1/2 baths. The rent was $550.00 per month. We also stayed there for six months before we where able to buy a piece of property that was wooded. I started clearing the property asap. while clearing the property we where also buying windows building blocks and what every it took to get started building our house. After a year was up, we where able to move into our house. We built this house out of our pockets. Now that we where in our own home. we where able to save alot of money. I was working and when i would home. i would get started finishing the inside of the home. Our company started getting a little bigger and a little extra money was coming in. I am only talking about $3500.00 per. month. In the year 2000 I was approched with a bissiness deal. I was to build pole buildings here on the Delmarva. I had a Bobcat but the only thing is that is was to little to move building materials around and bore holes for the poles. So this is where I took out an loan on my house. I always made money with the bobcat and doing the work. I had up to six people working for me at one time. The company stopped building down here do to the sales wasn't the best. pittyful me,right? Well i kept up with payments and two trucks payments until Aug.15,2007. I was filling in work by working for someone else at fifteen dollars an hour. That day is when everything went with the wind. I got hurt on the job by pulling on a cable 1 1/2 dia.. I was pulling on the cable when it suddenly stopped and that is where it gave me a large herniated disc at the level t-8,t-9,and at l-4,l-5. I still have problems breathing at times. I can not walk very far at one time. Standing is about five to six minutes. That is a far cry from what i used to be. I would be on my feet all day from 5:30 Am. To most days to 7:00-9:00Pm. at night. I have had testical cancer from this accident and had a back stemulater placed in my back and it turned out to be a big mistake. The unit never worked. I am saying the unit never worked and had to fight to get the doctors office to even call me back after leaving many messages. I have lost my house now and just barrely able to keep food in the house now. I have gone from making great money to no money per month. I have been turned down from workmans comp. to social securty disability. My appeals was placed in May of 2010 and still do not have any kind of answers. They have losted eleven months and know one can tell me why. My lawyers is not helping me and where it is at, i cannot do anything about it. I am in a very bad way and not do anything about it. I can not get up and go to work. I can not stand driving up and down the roads. Just the little bumps kills me. It feels like someone is stwisting a knife in my back. I try to stay up all day long but it hurts just sitting. well by now, you guys are tired hearing my story. If wanting any more info.? Just e-mail and i will return. Thank you..
I am one of the people who rarely eats the fruits and veggies I should. I will give you my thoughts. IN the last five years I have had back surgery that made things worse. I now have so many problems it cannot be corrected by surgery. It has caused nerve damange that is very painful to walk or most movement. Then came a stroke, then breast cancer, which was so bad because I got myrsa within a week which called for another surgery. I had much trouble then, coming out of the anesthesia took a long time and coming back to normal was months in coming. However I am still thinking, since I am 75 years old it really could have been worse. This are the reasons I think at my age I should eat as i please. Am I so wrong?
Regarding the stay at home Dad and his wife. I felt that there was more to her feelings then he just not doing what she expected of him. When he had his business going, she was able to be a stay at home Mom, maybe she resents his losing his business. Plus she has had years experiende doing these chores - I know my husband takes longer to do something (vaccuum, peel a potato, etc.) then I do after years of me doing these things. My solution would be for him to get a part time job in the evening (stocking shelves at a grocery store, for example) so he is contributing to the family income. Most women who work outside of the house, come home to making meals, laundry, shopping, etc. - I felt the show suggested he was a "slacker" or lazy, when in restrospect I felt she was the lazy one by expecting to come home to a cooked dinner, all household chores done to her expectations, so she had her evening free. Their children will remember the time Daddy spent with them, not an imaculate house. My heart goes out to him and the therapist's ideas were, in my estimation, not going to help - I can imagine the list of things that the wife gave him, does she in turn mow the grass, do household repairs, etc.
Dear Anderson,
I recorded on my DVR and just saw your show about your house possibly making you sick. Your comment caught my attention about your never used treadmill collecting dust in your house.
I'd love to put it to some use. Looking into the mirror I'm sure I need it more than you ever will.
I'm a stay at home mom with two girls (8&10) and an expanding waste line. I'm not great at workout commitments but I keep my promises.
So this is what I was thinking: I promise to use it at least 3 times a week for at least 6 months and use it with the satisfaction that I'm actually wearing out Anderson Cooper's Treadmill.
Hey, I even throw in a couple of before and after pictures for you!
Do we have a deal?
Judy from Hamilton, NJ
I attended Tuesdays show and would like to know how I can see the whole show. Can I get a copy of the DVD? I had a prior commitment and was not able to view it on television. I really enjoy Anderson 360..., but now since attending this show, I am really hooked on Anderson. Being at the show live is so much more enjoyable tha*****ching it on TV. The way Anderson connects with the audience is so great. Thanks.
I gave up my 12 year career in 2007 to be a stay at home. I have a 2 year old son, a 4 year old daughter and a 5 year old son. I love being able to be home with them though it has been tougher financially with only my husbands income and it has also proven to be a harder job than working outside of the home was. At work I got breaks, lunches, interaction with friends.
While watching Anderson's episode on the couple who had to switch roles (father at home and mother at work) I had to feel bad for the father. He was made out to sound like a slacker because the house wasn't clean every day!!! He was told to put the kids in front of the TV and clean the house?! What kind of crummy advice is that? Sure his wife works outside the home but that doesn't mean her job is harder than what he's doing. My hubby works outside the home but he sits at a computer, has time to check email, does our bills, chats and goes to lunch with buddies. I stay home with the kids but I take them to school, pick them up, take them to gymnastics, dance,sports,etc. I take them to their speech classes, doctor appointments, etc. At home I work with them on reading, writing, sign language, drawing, music, etc. In between I throw in loads of laundry and fill/empty the dishwasher, pick up the big messes...but there is NO WAY my house is clean and the beds made every day. There isn't enough time in a day for stay at home parents if they are spending the time they should teaching and taking care of their children...NOT PUTTING THEM IN FRONT OF THE TV!
I watched your show today Tuesday, Jan. 31st and the dietician stated that you should paint your kitchen the color blue. Several hours later the new show The Revolution was on and the promo asked the question what room should you never paint blue? After watching this show for 55 minutes to see if both shows concurred it turned out they did not. Ty (on the Revolution) stated blue was the worst color to paint your kitchen. Just wanted to bring this little bit of information to your attention. PS I only regret that your show is not on the air longer. You are one of my favorite all around personalities.
Thank you Anderson.
Unlike Mel, I have been on both sides of this fence, and several things that were discussed touched my buttons. I love your show and watch every episode. Several times, I have thought of commenting, but this is the first time I was actually compelled to do so.
As a bit of background, I was terminated 3 years ago after 13 years as HR Director with a municipality, due to a change in Mayor and Board. Previous to that, I spent 18 years, culminating in my position as Finance Director, with another municipality. I have a Master's Degree in Human Resource Management. I have spent countless hours on the internet, looking for jobs and applying for jobs. I have sent hundreds of resumes and applications, for jobs at all levels of the spectrum. After 3 years, you can count the interviews I have had on one hand. I never thought I would be in this position. I believed in the American Dream - work hard, learn all you can, and treat others with respect and you will always have a job and prosper. Not anymore. When my unemployment ran out, I was forced to take early retirement and now have a part-time job at minimum wage.
My partner was terminated at the same municipality I worked for 2 1/2 years ago. He had spent 21 years with them and was a senior supervisor in Public Works. He has gone through the same struggle I have. Although his skills are many, he is now cooking at a small locally-owned pizza restaurant.
My son was terminated from his management position with an international retail firm 2 years ago, after 5 years with the company and 16 years in retail. He, too, has faced unsuccessful struggles with looking for a job. He has also been a Type 1 diabetic for 22 years and has no insurance. His unemployment just ran out and I am trying to help him for a couple of months so he doesn't lose his meager home.
So, you can see that I have the voice of experience when I speak to this matter. I feel that you should have cut the husband a little break concerning his not being a perfect house-husband. Unless you have gone through the struggle of applying for jobs, you have no idea how time-consuming it is. I have spent 3 or more hours just completing 1 application online, and I didn't have little ones to care for. Add to that the search through endless job boards, and it can be a full-time job just looking for work. Do I also feel sympathy for the wife? Of course - this is not what she signed on for, either. Perhaps the answer is for them to loosen up their standards a little. The house doesn't need to be spotless every day. The dishes can sit in the sink and be done the following day. Caring for the children and looking for work are the top priorities, and everything else should follow with time.
How do you keep the relationship alive? That is tough, even without the added stressors. But, to look through the other person's eyes can help. My partner and I struggle every day to stay positive. So far, we have managed to keep our house, but we have learned to pinch every penny every day. I now plant a garden and freeze or can all I can. I buy meat in bulk and freeze it in small portions to add to soups or pasta dishes. We heat our home with a wood-burning stove and stay in that room when it gets too cold in the rest of the house. Survival is possible, but you have to work together.
As long as we hang in there and neither of us gets sick, since we no longer have insurance, we will get by until the economy turns around. There are SO many millions of others who are walking in our shoes. This topic deserves more coverage in the news - to help people realize that we, the new poor, are not deadbeats looking for a handout, or sitting on the couch eating bon-bons while living off unemployment on the backs of hard-working people. Those same hard-working people could be in our shoes tomorrow.
Thanks for listening.
Deb Durler
I can see the intention but I saw her as more than a flake edging on destructive. All homes are built with a door in the kitchen, it's often the only entrance from the carport or garage save for walking to the end of the block and back caring the groceries to get in the front door.Ridiculous! Painting the kitchen blue? Ridiculous! Yes fast foods do bright colors but you have to make your home feel right to YOU and maybe you`ll feel so good you won`t overeat. I have a friend who gets suicidal level depression being in a blue room. Common sense and personal comfort and safety can`t be sacrificed. How many times will you carry the groceries around the block before you say f___ it! If blue depresses you , how much are you going to overeat My question is, what is the criteria for being an`expert`and what accountability is there from you for people who are harmed by your `expert advise`, like suicide ...no eating with the tv on makes sense, unless it is your only connection to the world, she is speaking from her paradigm and telling us that is the way the truth and ....that to me is very arrogantly self serving.....I am deathly alergic to shellfish and when I was back east , everyone kept saying, Just try it, you`ll like it, hmmmmmmmmmm maybe, until I stopped breathing. The woman with the kitchen door had weight issues; should her family pay the price, will they not resent her, will that not affect her. Please advise responsibly! Or better yet, not at all unless you are willing to be inclusive. This `advice`can actually push vulnerable people somewhere they can`t return from because it is just one more ``expert `telling them they are wrong. I`d don`t want to see any more self qualified ``experts `; they seldom see the big picture or the damage that they can inflict.
It is funny reading through some of these comments! I can tell who has a good support system such as Patty & Dave. I think people forget though what it is like to struggle.
I thought the episode was pretty good. I am a single father in the same place with no support. I can understand their situation and hope that they realize what the do have and that is each other. It is to easy to take the easy route such as divorce or separation.
I am hoping that shows like this waken us up to the acknowledgment of depression and the difficulty with dealing with it. Especially for men it is hard to ask for help. It is difficult to say your battling depression. This is a world where if your weak you get eaten. Struggling is a part of life! Being able to understand that and asking for help is crucial.
For me my family doesnt remember what its is like to struggle. They dont realize how bad some of their comments hurt when your down on yourself. It is crucial to have support groups and quit thinking that depression is a sign of weakness. We need help not criticism. If you only would try! How many times have I heard that!! It is part of life and we will all have to deal with it sooner than later. I know I need help. I wish I had a coach like Mel Robbins.
It is so easy to leave a few details out and change a whole situation to your favor. Who knows how hard this dad is trying, or maybe the wife has been really supportive beyond belief, but held back a little on the show so as to not have her husband look so much like a dead beat and save him the embarassment.If you look at the wife's face, you can see that she is upset and wanting to say something, but is holding back. There has to be more to the story, I mean, maybe she is seeing this as the last chance for help to get him motivated in the right way for the sake of the children. The dad is sweating, looking away from his wife and Mel as to avoid eye contact and constant blinking, which are all signs of someone not telling the truth or having something to hide. He needs to take care of the house, because, if he is not going to have a job outside it, then he needs to make the house his job.
I give the wife all the best of luck.
It was awesome how Mel Robbins coached the dad into perking right up, and giving him a new take on his situation - it seemed like he liked the idea of being a "Super Dad" for six months - he wanted a challenge.
I was surprised how the show was so hard on him about housework, though! Why do we sympathize with stay at home moms that have a hard time keeping up, and keeping spirits up, but then give him grief? Seems like a double standard. He said that he is trying to be a good dad, by interacting with the kids a lot - and kids can be a handful. I know that sometimes I try to get a chore done, then realize my daughter has made a triple mess somewhere else. It is hard to keep up. He is doing dishes and laundry, etc... and most importantly spending time with his kids.
Overall, it seemed like the couple left with a better outlook, which was great to see. Goodluck!