'Woman Forced to Pay Her Attacker' & 'The Man-imony Controversy'
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Anderson explores the rising trend of "man-imony," in which women are court-ordered to pay alimony to their ex-husbands.
In a daytime exclusive, Anderson speaks with Crystal Harris, who explains that after being physically abused by her husband, culminating with a sexual assault, she is ordered to pay him $1,000 monthly in alimony, in addition to having already paid approximately $47,000 in his legal fees.
Anderson speaks with several other women currently paying "man-imony," as well as experts who provide tips on what women can do to protect their money from their exes.
Plus, find out the number one thing women do wrong when it comes to money.
Community Question
Where do you stand on alimony? Should women have to pay alimony to men?
Join the conversation.
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Comments
I saw your show today. Topics are good to discuss. BUT these men did NOT deliver their children. Put their lives on the line giving birth. They are sperm donors that did not affect their bodies. Women are Not compinsated for that either.
Sorry couldn't edit on my phone
Ok I missed a topic or two. first I don't agree with anyone receiving permanent alimony! that's as bad as being allowed lifetime welfare. you should divide way accumulated while together and keep what was yours before the marriage . when it ends so should all privileges including maintaining the last name that came as a gift of love being married. too
often the laws and courts are sexually bias and the support awards FAR EXCEED what it
actually costs to raise a child. Divorces are suppose to be NO FAULT yet someone is always blamed and punished.
often family court is sexually biased and inflated beyond comprehension! the support orders FAR EXCEED what it actually costs to raise a chchi
Yes! If the case warrants it and the man has raised the children and taken care of the house , laundry, errands and sacrifices everything because she had the better job and they had agreed he stay home so strangers weren't raising their children you're darn right get should!! enough of this sexually biased mentality towards divorce and child support!
I left my drugged out husband of 18 years when i could not take his daily snorting of oxycontin anymore. I took my 17 year old daughter with me and 3 years later the divorce is final because i basically gave my ex everything including my paying him alimony for 4 years. Unbelievable. So disgusted with the legal system. He has a friend of the family that's a lawyer and after $40,000 in legal fees i couldn't afford to keep fighting him. He quit his job stating i made him crazy from leaving him and started claiming mental disability. I gave him the marital home, 86 acres we had in Tennessee together, and i'm paying him alimony for 4 years. So disgusted and he doesn't even acknowledge his daughter even though his family has millions. His mother, my daughter's grandmother, took away her college fund and won't even speak to her. Some people are so messed up...
Ive teaken time to view the show and I must say I am dissapointed with Mr. Cooper. After seeing him in other news brodcasts around the world, this appears to have lowered his cariture. I will occasionally drop in to see what kind of story he is hosting, but after watching for a couple of weeks now, Mr. cooper has all but ruined his reputation as a great news man. In my eyes
Thank you for takeing my opion.
The situation… Sure I got married originally because she was pregnant and I wanted to do the right thing. She was an accountant and I was a residential counselor working with chemically dependent and mentally unstable children. She made two times my personal income and we decided she would continue to work and I would take care of the kids. So, I did and became a stay at home father full time. She is a mentally and emotionally abusive person and her son is a convicted pedophile that she allows to have access to our kids. This was a constant point of contention. Two years after my daughter was born my friends and family convinced me I should leave and informed her I was going. She begged me to say and told me she would change. Two months later she was pregnant with my son and all choices I had with regard to leaving were null and void. I was not going to leave my two kids in the hands of an abuser and a sexual predator. Years passed and when my kids started kindergarten I found out through my ex wife’s facebook she was having an affair with her ex husband and planning to use the tax return to ambush divorce me. I started looking for a job because I needed a lawyer and got one working with Alzheimer’s patients. One day her car water pump died and she wanted to take the car I was using and I needed it to go to work. She called her dad who came rushing over and tried to get in my face about her using the car and she slipped him the car title and he took it and put a lien on it. I contacted the sheriff and he told me they could report the car stolen and I could be charged with a felony and go to jail if I used the car. This resulted in my not being able to go to work and caused my termination. This was the final straw and I needed to get out to save my mental and emotional state from irreparable harm. Though it was hard I had no options and had to leave my kids in place with my ex and was offered a place to stay in California until I could get on my feet. I took the offer and moved 1900 miles to try and get a new life started so I could get my kids back and continue our life. I got papers in the mail through my mother that stated she had won everything and I was not even made aware of the fact papers had been filed. I contacted a lawyer through legal aid and they told me she committed fraud upon the court and that I could get the case reopened. However, I can’t get work or I lose my lawyer as I can’t afford him. I also can’t afford to live… I have already spent three months living on the streets of southern California and it’s not exactly fun. I am currently staying with a friend but who knows when I will be asked to leave. There are days like today I just consider stepping in front of a bus. Then remember my children and think of how they would feel. But, I’m stuck in hell and I can’t get out. I get repeated contacts from child support telling me I owe 600 a month and have 5k in back support due. I will lose my driver’s license and ability to get a passport if I can’t make payments and I can’t as I have 0 income. One of my major sources of work was driving and if they pull my license I can’t go look for work, get to work should I find a job. Not that I have anything from the marriage as it was all unjustly awarded to her adulterous self. I have no recourse and she should be paying me alimony and sure as heck not have the kids. I have all the disadvantages of a displaced homemaker and they say I am a dead beat dad.??? This is total BS.
Your episode today totally made me angry. I read everyone else's comments too. I do believe our laws are so totally corrupt it's not even funny.I too as a woman have to pay child support. But I too always felt that man or woman if you have a good paying job why make the other pay for leaving the marriage. My husband abused me for 7 yrs. I left w/ only my cloths that I could fit into my car.I fought him for 3 yrs. for custody, the whole time not wanting a dime from him if I got the children.He said to me to me the day he got custody, he only did this to despite me. During the 7yrs. I left him 2 or 3 times, woman shelters and all he did was stalk me. The time of the divorce I got a restraining order(again) and set up a mutual meeting place for the kids. I was ordered to pay 60% of my $7.52 hr.,working as a CNA a week.He made $4,000 a mth.courts didn't care how I was supposed to live.Let me tell you he still tried his abuse until I found my current soul-mate.I love my children to death, but I tell you w/out any regret. I couldn't take anymore, I left and ended up hitting rock bottom in life. I'm back in my hometown after 5yrs.w/ nothing but back support an angry kids.Not even a few mths. back he tried again,he's an alcholic, a abusive an his stalking behavior.Even w/ me being w/ that guy I called my soul-mate of 15yrs. I've decided to stop being weak, I'm going to stand strong and become an activist.The laws need to change for both men and women. I am on both sides, I'm not just saying this because I as woman have to pay support. It's wrong when a "Human Being" can't live or survive on their own in this day in time!
Your episode today totally made me angry. I read everyone else's comments too. I do believe our laws are so totally corrupt it's not even funny.I too as a woman have to pay child support. But I too always felt that man or woman if you have a good paying job why make the other pay for leaving the marriage. My husband abused me for 7 yrs. I left w/ only my cloths that I could fit into my car.I fought him for 3 yrs. for custody, the whole time not wanting a dime from him if I got the children.He said to me to me the day he got custody, he only did this to despite me. During the 7yrs. I left him 2 or 3 times, woman shelters and all he did was stalk me. The time of the divorce I got a restraining order(again) and set up a mutual meeting place for the kids. I was ordered to pay 60% of my $7.52 hr.,working as a CNA a week.He made $4,000 a mth.courts didn't care how I was supposed to live.Let me tell you he still tried his abuse until I found my current soul-mate.I love my children to death, but I tell you w/out any regret. I couldn't take anymore, I left and ended up hitting rock bottom in life. I'm back in my hometown after 5yrs.w/ nothing but back support an angry kids.Not even a few mths. back he tried again,he's an alcholic, a abusive an his stalking behavior.Even w/ me being w/ that guy I called my soul-mate of 15yrs. I've decided to stop being weak, I'm going to stand strong and become an activist.The laws need to change for both men and women. I am on both sides, I'm not just saying this because I as woman have to pay support. It's wrong when a "Human Being" can't live or survive on their own in this day in time!
Your episode today totally made me angry. I read everyone else's comments too. I do believe our laws are so totally corrupt it's not even funny.I too as a woman have to pay child support. But I too always felt that man or woman if you have a good paying job why make the other pay for leaving the marriage. My husband abused me for 7 yrs. I left w/ only my cloths that I could fit into my car.I fought him for 3 yrs. for custody, the whole time not wanting a dime from him if I got the children.He said to me to me the day he got custody, he only did this to despite me. During the 7yrs. I left him 2 or 3 times, woman shelters and all he did was stalk me. The time of the divorce I got a restraining order(again) and set up a mutual meeting place for the kids. I was ordered to pay 60% of my $7.52 hr.,working as a CNA a week.He made $4,000 a mth.courts didn't care how I was supposed to live.Let me tell you he still tried his abuse until I found my current soul-mate.I love my children to death, but I tell you w/out any regret. I couldn't take anymore, I left and ended up hitting rock bottom in life. I'm back in my hometown after 5yrs.w/ nothing but back support an angry kids.Not even a few mths. back he tried again,he's an alcholic, a abusive an his stalking behavior.Even w/ me being w/ that guy I called my soul-mate of 15yrs. I've decided to stop being weak, I'm going to stand strong and become an activist.The laws need to change for both men and women. I am on both sides, I'm not just saying this because I as woman have to pay support. It's wrong when a "Human Being" can't live or survive on their own in this day in time!
Stuart A... NO! that is not the purpose of marriage ( to force sexual relations)!!
While I am on my soapbox, the purpose of divorce is not to continue to support the EX either (be it man or woman).
I thank Anderson and his producers for bringing this family court injustice to light! I hope more talk shows will do the same. I believe that most of the public and maybe even the legislators are unaware of what goes on in the family courts across the nation. These men and women do not have as many rights as criminals have. Please go to NJalimonyreform.org to read more stories about the Shame of the Garden State.
AC,
I watched your 24 January show with Crystal Harris. This was one of the most ridiculous shows I have ever seen. As I was watching along with my fiancee', and after seeing a photo of Ms. Harris, her spouse and 2 children, my fiancee asked me, 'are they married?'. I replied, 'yes', and my fiancee says, 'how can that be rape if they are married?'---Even if sexual actions were 'forced', if the two are married, isn't that the purpose of marriage? To have a partner for such physical needs? If not, then whats the point of marriage?
Doesn't the "Protection of Marriage" Act define marriage as a 'man and woman'? And the point of this union is???? what???
procreation. Thats right. So, sexual relations should be a fundamental expectant to any marital relationship.
Apparently, Mr. Harris was found guilty of "Forced Oral Copulation"--- Is 'forced oral copulation' a crime? Especially with his wife?
Your question, 'should women pay alimony?'---How can you even ask such a biased question? Equal Rights, baby! You want to play, you have to pay. No more Free Rides, you can thank all the liberal bra burners of the 60's for that. In this case, should Ms. Harris pay alimony? Should Ms. Harris 'accuse' her own spouse, husband, significant other with rape? She went to this extreme, so the judgment against her is warranted. I still have difficulty understanding how a married man, vowed to love, honor, cherish, and remain committed to a monogamous relationship could be charged with such a crime?? What has our society become?
AC, I used to respect your journalism. You have always appeared to present a newsworthy story in the most professional manner...but your talkshow program is beginning to show signs of The Jerry Springer Show. Please, take a page from Oprah or Dr. Phil.
Feminists thought it was just fine for men to pay alimony (and child support) to women, but laws should be applied to EVERYONE, EQUALLY. When they are, the feminists are crying "unfair". In reality, child support and alimony were intended as a Communistic "TRANSFER OF WEALTH" scheme; an entitlement for women. Glad to see some movement away from the blatant discrimination.
Permanent alimony doesn't help anyone. We have paid my husband's former spouse to sit home and do nothing for several years. As a result of doing so, she has not grown personally, allowed her appearance to slide, become a hoarder, and now she's depressed. The children have long since reached adulthood and moved away. She has no real interest or activities and she doesn't volunteer for any charities. The money insulates her and has allowed her become antisocial and reclusive, rather than productive and thriving. Both the payor and the payee are suffering. Permanent alimony must end.
Of course women have to pay alimony, the same way men are. If not, remove alimony payments from men to women and gay couples too. It's funny how women want equal rights but not equal responsibilities. It is also funny that now judges are now looking into divorce cases for gay couples and don't know what to do without the gender bias that usually drive their decisions.