Has Your Obsession Gone Too Far? Shopaholic Mom Destroying Family
Anderson meets a mom whose compulsive shopping is tearing her family apart. Her daughter wrote to the show, desperately asking for Anderson's help. Worried their mother is not listening to their concerns and ruining their family, both daughters wish their mother would have a significant college fund for them, instead of spending upward of $150,000 on hoarding possessions. Her daughters are desperate to help her. Can she be saved?
Obsessed with your daily coffee? Obsessed with makeup? Obsessed with collecting something unusual? Are you unable to stop an addictive behavior? Find out if your passions or compulsions might really be dangerous obsessions. Start the conversation early: what compulsive or obsessive behaviors are part of your daily routine?
Behavioral Expert Dr. Mike Dow tells viewers the top signs of a dangerous compulsion, tips to avoid the behavior, and what steps you can take to stop it.
Plus, before watching the show, take Dr. Dow's "Am I Obsessed?" Quiz and play along with the audience.
Comments
I'm a reformed shopaholic. Sometimes - compulsive shopping can be caused by an undiagnosed disorder. I was diagnosed 3 years ago at age 63 with ADHD. The hyperactivity portion definitely effected me and caused the compulsive shopping - It started when I was in my teens. I've been bankrupt twice - I have trouble holding a job, have had relationship problems. Over and over again, therapists diagnosed me with depression - the antidepressants didn't work. Then - only 3 years ago, my boss diagnosed me. She was familiar with the symptoms since her daughter had the same disorder. Now, I'm retired with SS only - have to work 2 days a week - No pension, never worked anyplace long enough to get one. I'm still getting harassed by creditors.
Okay this show has me very upset! This daughter that wrote in to the show in the first place is a classic example of what is wrong with our youth today. As long as she is getting what she wants life is great. If a parent wants to spend every last dime they own on other things that is their right, nowhere is it written that the parents HAVE to put aside money for their children to go to collage. And if this mother feels she has to buy the love of her girls there must be a reason, maybe it is time for them to stop with the buy me, buy me, buy me and start trying to show their mother they love her. To me it seemed like the family is using the mother as a scapegoat. So very sad and so very wrong. Both of our children went to collage and they paid their own way and when our son graduated with honors he thanked his father and I for not handing it to him but making him earn it because it made him feel proud of himself.
This family is really checked out. Anderson could not get a straight answer from this mom and her husband is worried that she would leave him? Husband is afraid to speak up. Does she threaten him or something? She is unable to work due to her health condition. I get that, I have the same problem. But the way she blames everyone else, is probably why her children feel disconnected from the parents. Being sick is no excuse. She is acting like a narcissistic child and holding that family hostage with guilt.
Let me just tell this woman, her husband sits by her smiling when he talks about how much she might have spent. I was married, had two beautiful children and did the same thing, only not nearly as bad as does. My husband took one look at the credit card bills and divorced me. He first filed bankruptcy. He gave me money to buy a house for the kids and myself and left, he never looked back. I have regretted this all my life and we have been divorced for 18 years now. I still only love him, and have never had a relationship that has lasted more than a year. I can never have a relationship because my credit is a mess and I would never put that on someone else. I am just saying don't do this to yourself, and your family, and your life. My life is over and it is my fault. Please stop.
Just wanted to compliment you on your interview with the DNC Debbie Wasserman Schultz. It made me feel good to see someone challenge this woman, who really is unsuitable for the position she holds. Good job of not lettin her wiggle off the hook and twist and distort what she said. Enjoy your show very much. Thank you.
my obsess-- i'm ugly. Really, I can't get over how my face has changed from normal to ugly over the years.. I'm 65 and do look as old as some women in the 80's.. Anybody have real obsess's
like mine. I can't afford to do anything about it...So-o-o?
Thank you Claudia...
I am watching your show now abouth the mother that over spends. While I understand some of the things the daughters say about their mother. I see two somewhat spoiled daughters. First the one that after your show left the home taping reminded her mother about her phone. She could pay for her own phone or not upgrade. Second The mother should not have to say I love you first. Mabe the first thing that should have happen when dad lost the good job was to have a family meeting and set down ruls. While I see the spending, I ask did any of the children say mom we can't afford this please return it. The mother was very sad inside, I understand this because I am going though a similar problem at this time. Instead of ganging up on her get professional help for all. Thank You for reading my email Claudia Hickey
I am a disabled individual....I understand this woman got a large payout, but one thing folks need to remember....Once you have that money, you need to do something with it as you are not permitted to have about $1000,00 in the bank at any time or disability will feel you don't need your monthly disability money.lso if you do work after you make a certain amount they start taking your disability money and benefits, and I don't know about others, but working a part time job will not provide any insurance and my medications cost over $200 a month and I need them to sustain life...And shame on you Anderson for saying if you can shop you can work....What qualifies you as a physician and determine if someone shops they can work....I have multiple diagnoses and to look at me you would have NO CLUE that I have any type of disability..I shop, I swim and do everything normal people do...I even volunteer my time to other organizations....The difference is I don't do it on days my body won't allow me to function normally...Stress on the job is deadly for me. I have an auto immune disease that feeds on stress so that alone keeps me away from the only field of work I have known for 26 years. So Please Anderson...Don't EVER ASSUME ANYTHING It only makes and ASS Out of You and Me
Oh my goodness. I am watching the show about Obsessions. The mother that is spending in upward of $150,000 per year has touched my soul. I would love to be put into contact with her. I can understand exactly what she is saying. My husband became disabled in 2004 and was without any income until 2008. After receiving his disability settlement and of course my working, I began to spend uncontrollably. I didn't purchase material things for myself but anything and everything that people wanted I would buy it. I could never say no to my kids. After four years of this behavior I found myself in jail for theft. I had begun writing checks from my place of employment (I was the accounts payable clerk). It began as I would write the check and then pay it back. Over a two year period I had taken nearly $100,000. I had no idea how much I had taken/stolen until the day of my arrest. I would LOVE to talk with her. I am a normal, middle class mom that now struggles everyday of my life to say NO and to not have anxiety when I can't give things to my children or others. I continue therapy and pray everyday to be better. All of my legal issues have been resolved, I was very fortunate to be able to pay the large amount of money back to the place of business. Please put me into contact via e-mail with this lady. Thank you so much.
I watched the obsessive shopper mom segment. I was somewhat dismayed by the fact that no one semed to hold the children responsible for the familys' condition and how their expectations are driving the entire family into financial ruin. Why didnt you ask the kids who pays for their cars,their gas, their cellphones, and their nights out? I was especially shocked when you did not call out the 16 year old who said she was out of there in two years and would not have to deal with what was happening. When she leaves who is going to support her at 18? Will she all of a sudden become financially independant? Overall I thought the interview was one sided
I could not believe the comments directed at the mom on this show. The daughter is a spoiled self-centered brat. As parents, we are responsible for our children until they are 18. No one is owed a college education. Mom is trying to buy the love of an ungrateful child who will never make it in the world thinking that everyone owes her something. I see a lifetime liberal in the making.
I see this and can't understand why a child can say how mom spends her money?
It shocks me that they can tell mom she has to pay for her college. My parents had a lot of money but all 4 of us children paid our own way to college. The kids here need to not tell mom and dad what to do with their lives . This is like telling your parents who gets what when they die. this whole thing is wrong! THE kids need to pay their OWN WAY!! To college they will appreciate it much better .
I love this show in general, in fact haven't seen an episode yet that I had problems with but this episode left me wanting to scream at my television. I have several rare genetic conditions that severely affect my ability to function day to day. If you looked at me you would never know that anything was wrong with me. I go weeks unable to get out of bed with dangerously low blood pressure that causes me to faint and be very ill, but there are days that are better and I can go to the store with my Husband and push a cart.
I don't know any job that would be willing to work around my illness'. "Hey I may not be able to come in for weeks at a time, I will most likely faint at work and could injure myself in the process, I need to be able to sit or lay down without notice, I need you to understand that I can't wear your uniform because my body doesn't regulate its own body temperature, I will need to leave work with no notice and I won't be able to tell you when I will be well enough to come back..." I don't think that sounds like someone who is employable! Did it occur to anyone that she formed these relationships at the store because being chronically ill and disabled is isolating and adult conversation is hard to come by?
Its obvious that this woman was spending too much money but anyone with a behavioral background would take a look at what she getting from this action, and help her find a better way to cope. It is incredibly ignorant to say that because someone can go to the store they would be able to work a job. Is the expectation that if you become ill and are found to be disabled ( a torturous process!) that you should just sit at home and wait to die? You shouldn't go out in public, or to the store because if you can go out in public then you must not be disabled. I thought we were past the stage of hiding people away in the attic and praying the neighbors didn't notice. Invisible illness' like dysautonomia, EDS, MS, CRPS, there are just too many to list are just as real, life altering and devastating as those who struggle with a visible illness. I had hoped that the Anderson show could be more supportive and empathetic in sharing a families personal story, instead all I saw was a woman singled out on the stage getting bullied. I am gravely disappointed.
This is an important and necessary topic to cover. The public needs to know that shopping/spending can become addictive and is a cry for help--a sign that something is wrong inside the shopper/spender. Seek help through counseling, support groups, and reading books.
Terrence Shulman,
Founder/Director,
The Shulman Center for Compulsive Theft, Spending and Hoarding