How to Survive Loss with Gloria Vanderbilt
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Gloria, who lost her son Carter to suicide, and husband Wyatt to a heart attack, will share with the audience how she has coped with grief over the years.
Gloria speaks with several guests, including a mother and her two children who lost their father, as well as a family who lost their son. All will share their own personal stories of loss and survival.
Community Question
How have you dealt with the loss of a loved one? What has helped you grieve? What has not?
Join the conversation.
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Comments
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Hi Anderson and Gloria. After watching your show today, I realized that even after several years, I have not really dealt with our the death of our son. He died after taking an overdose of some narcotic. When he died I decided that I had to be strong for my wife, daughter and granddaughter so I never showed any emotion. When I watched your show today, all of a sudden there was a flood of emotion, but I couldn't get myself to cry. My mother passed away last October and the same mentality emerged. This idea that I have to be strong for all of my loved ones has emotionally crippled me. The only time I show any emotion these days is when I watch a particulary sad or emotially evoking movie.
I eventually will have to deal with this.
Keep up the great work on your show. The whole country has fallen in love withyour mother.
Sincerely,
Albert Gam
I totally agree with Gloria about The Compassionate Friends - a self-help support group for parents who have had a child to die. I have lost two children, a son at birth and my only daughter, Lauren, 12 years ago in an auto accident. I do not know what I would have done without this organization. I have become very active in this organization, Chapter Leader for two different chapters, and am currently Regional Coordinator for all Compassionate Friend Chapters in North Carolina, helping them develop chapters and provide assistance to bereaved parents. I do wish that your show would have given the website address for people to get in touch with our National Office. I had a lady call me - she had recently lost her son to suicide, and she watched your show and wanted to know where there was a chapter. She said she will definitely be at our next meeting here in Charlotte, NC. Our National Annual Conference will be held July 17 - 22 at Costa Mesa, CA. My husband and I have not missed a National Conference for the past 12 years. We would not be where we are today - emotionally, physically and as a couple if not for The Compassionate Friends. Thank you so much for having your mom on your show and highlighting this much needed help for parents who have lost a child.
Donna Goodrich
My sincere "Thanks" for making a show on the subject of suicide. I watched it today and I understand it was a repeat but I did not see the original. I lost my middle to son to suicide on Christmas Day 2011 and I am still trying to put my life back together because of it. Watching the show today brought me to tears once again however as Kyle said on the show it is a good thing to cry...a healing thing. There were a number of things that were said today and were very profound so I just wanted to send a note of thanks. I am still on a leave of absence since this happened but one of the good things is that I get to watch Anderson's show every day.
Oh, Anderson. I do not know what to say. I almost missed this show, but it was reaired the next day. I sobbed throughout this whole thing. I did not realize that I am in mourning. I lost my mom last July 11th, and my sister is dying of alcoholism. My mom had dementia, so for the last 7 years she was in a nursing home in another area of the state. I basically lost her at that time. Her mind was delusional and paranoid, there in body, not in spirit.
My cat of 20 years, my best buddy, died of liver cancer.
I have completely cut myself off from people. I avoid leaving the house because I feel so empty inside. I feel guilty, if only I did this, or that. I never sobbed so much in my life.
Thank you so much....I need to talk about it, which I have not.
Dear Anderson,
Thank you for your show on grief and loss. Your mother is truly an inspiration. Her choice to consciously live life, to be open to possibility, does not seem at odds at all with her sense of pain and loss at the deaths of her husband and son. I am coming to understand that both can coexist together.
I lost my partner and very best friend 13 months ago to suicide. He had struggled with depression for quite a while but seemed to be improving until he "decided" that he could not continue living in the pain and despair he felt on a daily basis. I think about him every day and feel a great hole in my heart that sears with a blinding pain. Indeed, I sometimes lose my breath at the reality that he is no longer with me in this world. Yet, slowly, I'm starting to smile again. I still have to "remember" to be happy and I'm not sure it'll ever be as natural as it once was, but I am coming to a point where my happy and joyful memories of him are learning to live with my grief and pain at his absence.
Thank you for your show, your compassion, and sensitivity to such issues. Please extend my sincerest best wishes and admiration to your mother as well.
Dear Anderson, I just watched this episode tonight and it made sense of some things for me. I came home from work this Jan 24th 2012 to find my son Brandon dead in his bed. I can still see his eyes glowing in the dark and feel the sheer panic of the night. He had not been sick. I was relieved when the police officers told me there was no gun shot wound. It was so confusing for me. Brandon had everything going for him. He was in a good place in his life after many struggles. After 9 long weeks I got the autopsy report back. At 27 my son had an unexplained brain aneurysm. It has been very difficult since it was just he and I living in my home. I am typing this email feet away from where I found him dead. Coming home every night is so hard. It is hard to focus at work. For everyone else they are business as usual. I am at my desk with his pic of the two of us staring at me carving a hole in my heart with pain. It is necessary because I need to see him and talk about him. I don't want him to be forgotten. With me I carry two reminders of him with me every day. After asking my daughter's boyfriend to remove Brandon's bedding so I could go into his room and find the clothes he would be buried in I immediately spotted his favorite jeans on the floor dirty. I picked them up and without thinking reached into the left pocket. There was a quarter which I quickly slipped into the left pocket of the jeans I was wearing. Next I reached into his right pocket and pulled out another quarter which I slipped into my right pocket. They are my reminders that Brandon is with me every day encouraging me to go on, to be a good mother to his sisters, a good grandmother and be the successful business woman that he was proud of. I think I am especially having a hard time because I lost my father 3 1/2 yrs ago and my mother is in bad health. She is the one I was preparing to say good bye to not my son. Thank you for putting light on this difficult subject. Sincerely Tracey Musser
This show has really hit close to home for me. I lost my first husband in 1982. He was 37 and I was 32. My sons were 11 and 8. He had a lot of medical problems. When he went to the hospital, we never knew if we he would come back home. When he passed away, my youngest son said "Why are you crying mommy, he always comes back". My main focus in life was my boys. I worked everyday and my mom helped me with them. When I realized they were growing up, I decided to move on. This was 4 years later. I met my wonderful husband and he has been good with my kids. We have just celebrated on 25th wedding anniversary and we have 13 grandchildren together. I am happy and I love my husband but I still think about my first husband. I will be 63 next week and I could not ask for a better life. 2 great guys and my wonderful family.
Please put the full episode of June 28,2012 show on handling grief online. My friend in S.C. could really be helped by this
Hi Mr. Anderson
After I watch your show on thursday about " How to survive loss " I know it very hard to get up again. Here is my story.
On Feb 23,2012. I loss my older son from car accident. He is my older one & I have 3 younger too. Age 9, 8 and 5. Also, after 2 weeks my son die. His american girlfriend told me that she maybe pregnant with his baby. I am very very happy but I know in my heart. I will never forget him . My love to him is always and forever.
somehow now its been 4 months now. But me and his american girlfriend lost contact. she is mad @ me. she said that I am on his ex-girlfriend side and she is vietnamese/chinese. I am not on anybody side. I just do the right thing right way.
Well this is the story. I hope I can talk or get intouch with you personaly about this so I can be a little happy in my heart. Everyday & everynight I cry for Tony.
You can go on google: Tony le knoxville.
that's the story about him.
I hope to talk to you more about it. If you can help me get back with his american girlfriend and I can be a part of the baby. This is what I have left from him. Right now I am crying and writing this to you. Hope you understand and know how I feel. Thank you for your concern,
God Bless You.,
tonyle2mds@yahoo.com
Hi Mr. Anderson
After I watch your show on thursday about " How to survive loss " I know it very hard to get up again. Here is my story.
On Feb 23,2012. I loss my older son from car accident. He is my older one & I have 3 younger too. Age 9, 8 and 5. Also, after 2 weeks my son die. His american girlfriend told me that she maybe pregnant with his baby. I am very very happy but I know in my heart. I will never forget him . My love to him is always and forever.
somehow now its been 4 months now. But me and his american girlfriend lost contact. she is mad @ me. she said that I am on his ex-girlfriend side and she is vietnamese/chinese. I am not on anybody side. I just do the right thing right way.
Well this is the story. I hope I can talk or get intouch with you personaly about this so I can be a little happy in my heart. Everyday & everynight I cry for Tony.
You can go on google: Tony le knoxville.
that's the story about him.
I hope to talk to you more about it. If you can help me get back with his american girlfriend and I can be a part of the baby. This is what I have left from him. Right now I am crying and writing this to you. Hope you understand and know how I feel. Thank you for your concern,
God Bless You.,
(865) 309- 8999
tonyle2mds@yahoo.com
estelaphanllc@yahoo.com
I watched your show yesterday, June 28th, as a do everyday, regarding suicide. Thought i would drop a comment and in regards to your shcw, that Dr. was right by saying let the person tell their story. My name is Nadine Vellente (maiden name) My children's names are Lee Michael Shimshock (feel free to google) and Taylor Ann Shimshock. My ex was removed from our home by court order(abuse) when my children were 1 and 5. I raised them alone. We had nothing but each other and we were extremely close. He was like a father and brother to my daughter Taylor. On January 30, 2007 he was found by me, at his fathers home with a gunshot to the head. A mother and sister should never see that. It has been 5 1/2 years now. There isn't a day that I am truly ok. I miss him soooo much. If you google him you will see that he was awsome. My. daughter is leaving for college in August. WOW is it going to be difficult under the circimstances.. Although there are no words to describe my pain I would help anyone who is going through it. I went to an outstanding grief counselor for a few years. So many other problems developed after it. As I said we had nothing but each other. When he died I was on a leave for 6 months. We lived off what I had, created debt, then the economy went. That did not help the grieving problem cause I had to remain strong and be a mom, dad, full-time, part-time employee while keeeping up house and car. I had no idea that Gloria Vanderbilt was your mom and that you have gone through this. I want to be strong. If anyone has help (advice) to offer please feel free to reach me. I wish you the best and thanks for listening. Best wishes. Nadine Vellente. And don't forget google my awsome son!!!!
Ihave suffered from depression most of my life and have often contemplated suicide. I get no support from my family as they think I can just "snap out of it". I DID find support in Gloria Vanderbilt's eyes yesterday. What a beautiful soul! I thank her for being on the show.
Dear Anderson
I have had lost my parents, 2 of my brothers, my nephew and my sister, as you know that is it very hard loosing a loved ones, my mother died in 2001 when I was 20 years old, my father died after 2 years and my sister died the very next day after my father died after giving birth to her twin's, my older brother died after 2 years from accident, my younger brother comet suicide as well as my nephew not too long ago, life has been very difficult for us family loosing a loved one after other, it is not easy to live life especially during holiday's as you said, my mother loved holiday and new years, she always used to told me that new year coming a chance for us to start over with our lives, after she had past, it was very hard for me to celebrate holiday's but that didn't stop me from celebrating holiday's because I knew my mother didn't want me to stop because of her passing, she had always told me that if I ever stop celebrating it's like your stopping to live life so in her behalf I celebrate holidays and when it's new years I always say "Happy New Years Mom I will keep on going with my life as you want me to do" and I know that she wants that, she may be gone but she still live through me and all of my family that I lost to death, it's very hard for me especially because my mother loved me so much and it seems like all the loved in the world is gone with her that no one is going to love me the way she did, and than I met my husband, I found love again the love that I recognize, I am from Quebec and my husband is from Mexico, when we met he told me that he is not looking for a serious relationship because he knew that he had to go back to Mexico in 2 years and I told him it's ok because I won't be here for long time either, but after 2 years has past we started to have feelings, very strong feelings to each other and we fell in love and got married and we have been married for 2 years now but sadly not too long ago this years of March 18 he was deported back to Mexico, we were trying to get his Visa renew we even paid this lawyer $1500.00 because he told us that he could help us but he wasn't really a lawyer he never even call us back to let know what is going on, that's why my husband ended up being deported, it has been very hard for me and my daughter because before I met him I was unhappy always thinking about my mom wishing her that she was still alive than I met him, he helped me to actually move on with my life, after he was deported it felt like I loose another loved one but this time it was different because I didn't loose him to death and that make it even harder for me, we are trying to save up some money so that he can come back but I don't even know if he will because I live pay check to pay check sometimes I don't eat for day's because I'm thinking if I eat what is my daughter going to eat tomorrow because of that sometimes I don't eat for few day's until I get my pay check or when my husband send some money, I need my husband to come back home because if something happen to me or if I die I don't know who will take my daughter
I am sorry for your lost but you need to know this that your father and your brother still live through you and I know that it's hard to talk about but it really helps to talk about it and their are people who can understand your pain
Anderson I love your show and when I was watching this show I keep thinking about my mom, my dad, my sister, my 2 brothers and my nephew
I send all my love to you and your mother
yours truly
Nunga
I found the work of Dr. Therese Rando PHd very helpful.
She is a grief therapist,has written many books and trains
therapists.She suggests that time alone does not heal but what
you do with the time and she she also believes that you can get over the loss.I found her books very helpful and I hope
this helps you.
You can find all of her information on the internet.
Be Well
Sincerely
Rita Goldenberg BA MEd
Toronto,ontario,canada