How to Survive Loss with Gloria Vanderbilt
Monday, November 07, 2011
Gloria, who lost her son Carter to suicide, and husband Wyatt to a heart attack, will share with the audience how she has coped with grief over the years.
Gloria speaks with several guests, including a mother and her two children who lost their father, as well as a family who lost their son. All will share their own personal stories of loss and survival.
Community Question
How have you dealt with the loss of a loved one? What has helped you grieve? What has not?
Join the conversation.
Filed Under: Episodes
Comments
Dear Anderson,
I tragically lost my son in 1989. It is very important to grieve, but also healthy to talk about one who has been lost. I don't think we ever get over the loss of a child, but with the passing years, it does become easier. Thom wll forever live in my heart. I'm certain this is true with any mother who has lost a child.
Your Mother is such a lovely woman, and I so admire her for coming on your show, always with open discussion. How brave she is to discuss the loss of your brother and father on your program. I hope you will continue to have her appear occasionally. You are fortunate to have such a strong bond with each other, which you obviously know.
Most sincerely,
jfb
I was watching the show about grief and it really helped me because I lost my great-grandmother 11 years ago on December 12. It made me sad to think about it but hearing the other stories made me not so upset.
The loss of a child, no matter how they died, is the most shocking, painful, incomprehensible thing you will ever go through. My son died in April 2011 and it has been excrutiating. My life will never be the same, never, and I will never "get over it" that is crazy, you hear people say that and think...really??
I lost my 19 yr old brother when I was 25, I had to help my mother identify him, then my X husband hung himself when my son was 14 & my daughter 15, and now my son dies at 34, leaving behind 3 children, it's so very hard. Some people say the most insenitive things and they think they are helping!! Others feel that you'll call them if you need anything, really? and then there are a precious few who are there, truly there for you, without that I do believe I may not have made it this far, for that I am blessed.
I truly don't understand the fear of grief, you cannot catch it, but yet many people stay away, are uncomfortable, are waiting for you to be your old sel****ain, will say "i don't know what to say or do" the answer is just be there to lend an ear, a hug, whatever, just be present....I would like to know what causes this fear? We are an educated society and yet this is a "taboo" subject, Anderson, I'd like to participate in finding out why~thank you, donna
I have been watching your shows on loss and have some comments.Three years ago I lost my husband in a boating accident,both of our boys were there.They were 16 and 20.It has been impossible to get them to talk about the accident let alone their feeling.It would be great to see a show on how others get their teenage-boys to talk and move on.It has been very rocky with my younger boy to get him thru school.we did the antidepressants,the natural way,counslors and he struggles.I am a hospise nurse worked part-time.My husband wasa dentist and the primary sorce of income.When he died I had to sell his practice,thankfully I had Steve's friends step to help me.If you have a business you need to ask questions about what to do if something did happen(,my husband was 47).Know passwords or where to get them,insurance,who is the beneficiary?,my father inlaw was on Steve's.Steve parents signed it over to me but if thay hadn't I don't know what I would have done,the guy that worked with me on that tried to prepare me for the worst,he said no one has ever has done that or even won a case to try and get the money,I still had to run the business, make payroll,I needed the money I am thankfull for my honest inlaws.If you are in a postion like this you need to ask questions,any amount of conversion about this will help,but please ask now.
I lost my husband July 31, 2010. Financially changed my life, as well as emotionally. Living in rural area, no support group nearby, lost my health insur. first time in life, no jobs pt, on husbands SSI at age 61. Daily Strength online support group helps many like me. BUT we would like to be heard on what financial challenges happen unexpectedly, how to get help when you are shocked etc. Get on this web site, read what others say, ask some of these widows/widowers to come on. It would help many people to know some of their struggles, triumphs, and help them to find some help they so desperately need.
Anderson, thanks so much for a talk show with great solid content. Having your Mother on was very powerful and touching. (side note: your Mother's line of perfume was the only scent my Mom would ware. ☺) My husband lost his younger sister to a drunk driver when he was 17 and she was 15. That was over 20 years ago. It's amazing to me how much has NOT been talked about in 20 years. So, my In-Law's lost their daughter, but my Mother-in-law also lost her brother who drowned when they were in their early 20's, and she lost her father to lung cancer when he was in his 60's. Because of your show, I've been inspired to just continually give them the gift of initiating conversation, listening to them talk about their losses. Thank you so much for your openness.
I viewed your first show and listened carefully to your Mom and her eloquence with speaking from her heart and experience when I felt a sense of peace which alludes me. I will be watching your show tommorrow which is Monday and I know I will learn and get to feel feelings that allude me in my daily living gig. Freud said mourning takes alot of work, I agree. Now onto surviving, and I am in a place where I can truthfully say I am LIVING a genuine life. See you Monday!
First let me say I think Gloria is an strong and inspirational woman. I also lost my 17 year old son and each day I remember him and try to honor him by being the best person I know how to be. I think having someone to talk to is key. Somehow talking about our children keeps them important and alive. the worst thing I think that could happen is for others to never talk about our child and forget they existed. He was my son and was a part of my life, a part I choose never to forget.
I'm so sorry I missed your show on loss, Anderson; I found out about it after the fact. Bravo to you for tackling such a complicated, tough and emotional topic - especially one so close to home for you. I appreciate your bringing this subject to the spotlight. We, in America, have had a tendency to turn away from the rawness and untidiness of grief over the years. It seems we've forgotten (or no longer have an interest in) how to support the grieving.
Our son, Jason, and his best friend were broadsided by a drunk driver who was going more than twice the speed limit on March 3, 2002. Both of them died instantly. Such a wonderful, bright, sunshine-y young man...gone in an instant. It was certainly the most difficult thing I have ever experienced (an understatement), and one I honestly was not sure I would survive.
From what I've read, those who grieve (particularly concerning the death of a child) generally fall into two categories - those who feel tremendously supported and those who feel tremendously deserted. I think the hardest thing for me to deal with was the way everyone disappeared. We had no family close by, so we expected the people we knew to step forward and be family for us. When they didn't, it caused many painful, long-lasting secondary wounds when we already felt ****tered from Jason's death. When people don't know what to do or say (and then step away from the griever as a result), they may be leaving the griever really alone. Support matters, and really helps the grieving process.
For me, writing in a journal was one thing helped somewhat, although I had a hard time finding things that really "helped." I had never written a journal before, but it was a "safe" place for me to talk about what I was going through and to say what I needed to say without hurting anyone. It gave me a voice. It's been interesting to go back and read my journals after these years.
Keep up the good work. Thanks again.
http://onewomansperspective02.wordpress.com/2011/10/14/he...
anderson I love your mom for the compassion she shows all of us that have lost someone we loved very much. I lost my dad then five months later, my mom and then 5 months later my precious daughter to a horrible incurable cancer, malignant melanoma. I took care of all of them and it was especially hard to take care of Tricia. She was only 36 and leaving 3 wonderful children. It had a horrible impact on our family. I did all of her care because she was paralyzed from the waist down. When she died I bathed her for the mortician and I did her funeral. I dont know how I did it all. It's been five years and I weep every day for her. thank you and your wonderful mom. Paula
Dear Anderson,
We were so touched by the recent show you aired on dealing with the loss of a loved one. First of all, our hearts go out to you and your mother on the loss of your brother and son. I lost my youngest brother Billy, 26 years old to Cancer in 1990. He was just coming on the 5 year mark when a tumor was found in his liver. I became a nurse to try to help others even though I couldnt help him. My older brother then passed away 2004 suddenly of natural causes. I am still trying to figure this one out, but find comfort in keeping his memory alive through a small Scholarship we have awarded to our High School. My oldest brother then passed away of a sudden heart attack at the age of 56 in 2005. Needless to say, I somehow lost my faith and divorced my husband of 21 years. I simply thought that my husband would be next since he was the one that told me about each of my brothers. My divorce became final the day after my dad passed in May 2006.
I have found my faith, and God has once again blessed me with a wonderful husband. I just want to thank you for tackeling such a tender, yet tough subject.
Dear Anderson,
We were so touched by the recent show you aired on diealing with the loss of a loved one. First of all, our hearts go out to you and your mother on the loss of your brother and son. I lost my youngest brother Billy, 26 years old to Cancer in 1990. He was just coming on the 5 year mark when a tumlor was found in his liver. I became a nurse to try to help others even though I couldnt help him. My older brother then passed away in 2004 suddenly of natural causes. He was 45 years old. I am still trying to figure this one out, but find comfort in keeping his memory alive by awarding a small Scholarship to our High School in his honor. My oldest brother Bobby then passed away in 2005 from a sudden heart attack. He was 56 years old. Needless to say, I somehow lost my faith and divorced my husband of 21 years. I simply thought he was going to be the next and I couldnt let him go that way. My divorce became final the day after my dad passed away in 2006. I have found my faith once again, and God has blessed me with a wonderful husband. I just want to thank you for tackeling such a tender, yet tough subject.
Anderson, I was watching your show "surviving loss." That young boy was amazing. My husband died from esophageal cancer in 1994 after having been sick for 1 1/2 years. My girls were 10 and 14 at the time and the hardest thing I have EVER had to do was tell them their Daddy had passed away. As your Mom said, you do have to remind yourself to breathe in and out. I loved him so much and too see him suffer so unmercifully was more than we could handle each day. Seventeen years later, I still have a sad heart. He missed college graduations, my daughter's wedding, the birth of my grandson. But, I am truly blessed to have managed to raise my girls to be the successful, responsible and independent women they are today. This was not how I was suppose to spend my "golden" years but I continue to be upbeat on the outside while my sad heart beats on the inside.
There is a wonderful support group called "A New Road". It has been here for about 30 years. It helped me tremendously to find a "new normal"--how to deal with the holidays, special events, etc. When my grandson was born, I made a memory teddy bear out of my husband's old vest for him, so we can continue to remember our "Daddy Mac."
I have so enjoyed your show--especially your humble and down-to-earth attitude. Your love and respect for your Mom is very evident. Whoever has you as a friend has a rare gem. You are a permanent part of my afternoon tea time! And a note to G.V.--I love your jeans.
This show impacted me deeply as my cousin was killed by a drunk driver almost a year ago. My family and his friends are coping in different ways with his death. I shared with my family and some friends about how moving this show was and I was wondering if the full episode could be made available to those who wanted to see it. While I think having clips of different segments on your website is great, making the entire episode available to those who are coping with death would be great.
Anderson, I had a lot to say about this show, and ended up saying nothing. But I just finished reading this article, and I think you might want to take a look:
http://noetic.org/noetic/issue-sixteen-november/can-mediu...