Is It Okay to Breastfeed a Toddler? The Attachment Parenting Debate -- Monday
Is it okay to breastfeed a toddler? Should children sleep in the same bed as their parents?
On Monday, Anderson and Co-Host Monday guest Rebecca Romijn discuss the controversial Time magazine story that sparked a national debate about attachment parenting.
The mom featured on the cover joins the conversation, along with "Big Bang Theory" star and attachment parenting advocate Mayim Bialik.
Mayim has written a new book, "Beyond the Sling: A Real-Life Guide to Raising Confident, Loving Children the Attachment Parenting Way," and answers Anderson and Rebecca's questions about the principles of the practice.
Bialik says attachment parenting is "a style of parenting that basically harkens to the way primates parent -- things like natural birth, breast feeding, sleeping safely near your child, holding your child."
The actress and mother of two says the principles of attachment parenting mirror "the way mammals parent, the way primates parent, and pretty much all of human history it’s the way people parented."
She continues, "A lot of people hear this term and think a lot of things -- that there's an attachment parenting police. That if you have a C-section you're out or if you don’t breastfeed, you’re out. And it's simply not that."
Mayim tells Anderson that she is told her child will want to sleep in her bed at some time between 5 to 7 years old.
Rebecca says she is not jumping to get a bigger bed for her family.
Mayim says it's not strange to sleep together.
"Most adults, you know, do not want to sleep alone -- it's not normal," says Mayim. "It is normal to be close to someone who loves you at night. There's nothing weird about it."
After listening to Mayim Bialik talk about attachment parenting, Rebecca Romijn comments, "It sounds exhausting. You don't get a break in attachment parenting. As a mom, you have to make sure you're happy for your children to be happy."
"It is normal for a child to want to be close to you" when a child is near to you, it's significant to them. It physiologically makes sense."
To see more on attachment parenting, watch "Anderson" on Monday, May 21.
Comments
I find it interesting the current social debate about "attachment" parenting....the way it sounds is how it felt natural for me to be with me kids, despite friends and acquaintances dismay.
I loved listening to Mayim and I think she and API are right. My two older children slept with my husband and me until each was about 3-4 years old. Now they sleep together in a bed because, just like she said, they like the comfort of it. I have another child who is 18 months old now and she still sleeps with us. My oldest had a hard time transitioning to her own room, so she slept on the floor next to my side of the bed for over a year. She just wanted to be close to us. I couldn't imagine putting a baby in a room alone. I didn't catch exactly what Mayim said about attachment parenting's effect on a person's sex life, but ours is just fine, thank you! No book is really necessary if you want to practice AP. I didn't follow any regimen or program, I just did what felt right as a caring mother.
I am 32 years old father of 4 children ages 2-7. We recently adopted a boy from Korea with significant special needs. I had never before heard of attachement parenting but I new intuitively that I needed desperately to attach to this new child in a way that would allow both him and I to thrive in love and respect. Isaac rejected me for almost a year and wouldn't allow so much as eye contact. For me so called "attachement parenting" seems like common sense. The only time Isaac would allow me to cuddle him was at night. Almost several times a week for the first year, I would sneek out of my bedroom at about 1 a.m. and take my shirt off and allow Isaac to sleep in groggy glory on my chest for the rest of the night. Eventually he learned to linger there after waking up and get snuggled. I took him with me everywhere, even to work, and insisted on nightly walks where we shared candy. It was a courtship, and now Isaac enjoys my love and attention. I can't imaging life with this kid as a teenager or adult had I not employed the principles of attachement parenting with this child. This seems so natrual to me. One more thing, I must reject entirely the idea that "free-range and "attachement parenting" are on opposite ends of the spectrum. They are certainly not mutually exclusive. Indeed attachement parenting at ages 1-6 are what allow for confident free range kids from 7-18.
I have slept with my daughter for most of her 4 years. I have found that it helps us both sleep better, and relieves many of the stresses for both of us that come with her sleeping away from me. This sleeping arrangment really does not cause any negatives between my husband and I do to our own annoying sleeping habits, and for our sexual relationship it has not changed anything. As I told my mother in law when she found out we weren't sleeping together, and asked how we were going to give her more grandbabies: "Sleeping is not how you make babies".
My seven year old son just last year, on his own accord, left the family bed to sleep in his own room. Now, he checks the clock, and announces, "I'm gonna head to bed...goodnight!" We practice Attachment parenting, even though he was delivered by C-Section, and was never in a sling (I am a mother with M.S. and walking safely is difficult). My son was breastfed until he was 3 1/2, cuddled, listened to, and loved. As an only child, my son demonstrates a wonderful independence. This independence has aided in the many childhood friendships, and countless compliments from other parents on his behavior.
I think "attachment parenting" is indeed what I practiced with my three children, now 16, 13, and 11. When we had our first child, we were living in a place where the hygienic conditions were less than perfect…due to the extreme hot weather of that country. I breast feed my first child exclusively for about 8 months, he also slept in our bed since we had to share a mosquito net, for the fear of malaria. A bit extreme, most people are not under those conditions, but were were super relax, my child was so calm and relax. I always said that the instinct kicked in, and that is what basically attachment parenting seems to be.
I breast feed my first child until 2 1/2 when I was pregnant with my second, and my milk dried...the child was no longer interested. The same case was with the second when I got pregnant with the third. Even though it seems like total dependency, my experience is that the children were totally relax and were not afraid to stay alone anywhere, they are secure and confident. As far as breast feeding in public, I always covered myself, because I am aware that some people may feel uncomfortable with it…
We had a common bed, an additional bed attached to ours, with feet, legs and heads everywhere for many years, they moved out themselves when they were about 5….looking for their own space. We celebrated the move. Even today, the two small ones come in the morning during the week to cuddle for 5 minutes before getting ready to go to school….priceless.
The three of them, are strong independent children that exccel in school and in anything they have chosen to do. I work in youth and community development in the third world, and this past year finished my calcification as a professional life/executive coach… I tell the expectant mothers, when one is pregnant, there a million one questions… and nobody can describe what it is to have a child… I tell them the best preparation is to watch animal channel for a week, and see how natural it is to be a mother, how do animals do it. They don't question the closeness, or the dependency, they just embrace it.
In terms of discipline and structure…I also talk about animals, leadership, and boundaries are clear with animals. Children thrive within clear structures, they feel the freedom to express themselves within the boundaries, rather than trying to look for loop holes to brake them.
Parenting is a never ending learning trip…. loving every minute.
I feel that weaning a child from the breast may be likened to weaning a child from a pacifier. If the nutritional need is gone (say after 1 or 2 years old) then the child may be suckling only for comfort. While this may be okay for some, I personally feel that the child is old enough to learn that it can be comforted in another way, by a hug or kiss or even by a distraction. When I see older kids using a pacifier I am equally shocked so I don't feel that my comment is misogynistic in anyway. I chose to wean my child at 10 months because personally I couldn't handle it anymore. He handled it well and although I feel a little bit guilty for feeding him formula, I feel that keeping my sanity was worth it. If people choose to breastfeed beyond 2 years old (in an industrialized nation), that is their prerogative but they shouldn't fool themselves into thinking that it is in the child's best interest.
This cover of Time is quite disturbing. It makes the mom look like a pedophile because there is no actual feeding going on. Just a young boy sucking on a woman's nipple and the woman in tight clothing striking a sexy pose. The photographer definitely did not channel a maternal feel, but did a good job if his goal was to make me feel dirty by looking at it. I should add that I breastfed my child until he was one so I'm not a breastfeeding naysayer. But seriously, this cover did absolutely nothing for attachment parenting, but maybe that was the goal.
OK so I can understand breastfeeding up to a year old, maybe 18 months, but breastfeeding 4, 5, or even a 7 year old sounds more like a perversion. The child does not have any need for breast milk if the mother is even still lactating and there are plenty of other ways to comfort a child. Is this not labeled as child sexual abuse after the necessity is gone?
My oldest nursed till she was about 1yr, and she weened herself. My second child has sever food allergies, including milk, soy, almond, and wheat. That is just naming a few. All we were able to do was breastfeed and she nursed till 4 1/2 yrs. Our third child is also showing signs of food allergies and she is 4 months. SHould I give her milk or soy with the signs already showing up. Can we say hello ER?
Yes, we use many elements of attachment parenting but we use other elements from other styles as well. We have 3 children and not one of them responds the same way to the same method. Attachment parenting isfocused on knowing our child and responding to their signals to meet their needs.
Yes, there are many elements of attachment parenting that we practice, but we also use elements of other stylies as well. We have 3 kids, each one is different and responds to certain methods better than others. Attachment parenting focuses on knowing and understanding your child. So that you can best meet their needs.
I agree with you on everything except the nursing part. My son is 3 and half and still nurses. Not very often but its there when he wants it. Its not a matter of "finding other ways to self soothe," its about creating and maintaining a bond. Giving him whats familiar with all the change he's endured his small three years. There should be no "cut off" age for breast feeding no matter where you live. Yes we have others foods but when he prefers mommas milk it will be given to him as long as I am able. And I never dreamed I would be nursing him this long, however, I love it and am enjoying it while it lasts.
I am so for breastfeeding. if the mother is healthy then breast milk is so healthly for your child. HOWEVER, DON'T WHIP YOUR ENTIRE BREAST OUT IN PUBLIC FOR EVERYONE TO SEE..SHOW A LITTLE RESPECT. & IF YOU MUST GIVE A TODDLER BREAST MILK WHICH I THINK IS GREAT DO NOT LET ANY CHILD OVER THE AGE OF 2, TO SUCK OFF YOUR BREAST...PUMP YOUR BREAST IN PRIVATE & FEED THE MILK TO YOUR CHILD IN A CUP..THERE IS NO NEED TO HAVE THE CHILD AT 2YRS OR OLDER SUCKING ON YOUR BREAST. I BELIEVE THAT IF YOU DO YOU ARE GETTING SOME SEXUAL SATISFACTION FROM IT...
When my child was born I went with the flow - I breastfed for as long as my baby wanted to feed mothers milk (until 5 years of age), and let the baby sleep in our bed until my baby felt safe in own bed (on and off until 14 or 15!!!!!). Nowadays my teen is gaining a lot of independence without my help. My teen makes great and mature decisions! Gets good grades. No need to worry about alcohol/drug/sex etc. problems. My teen is a very responsible person who comes home after seeing friends nearly on the dot of agreed time. Attachment parenting worked for us.