How to Stop Being a Nag
Backstage after taping today's show, Dr. John Gottman, Co-Founder of The Gottman Institute, says the most important thing to remember when trying to stop a tendency to nag is to pick your battles.
"Take the things that are most important to you," says Gottman, "and state your need as a positive need -- not what you don't want, but what you really do want from your partner."
The nation's foremost researcher on marriage and relationships says to be sure to do it in a kind way and to really communicate to your partner how you feel respected and understood when listened to. He says it's important to share that you feel part of a team when heard, instead of feeling lonely from being ignored.
The goal is to have a responsive partner and more importantly, to choose your battles. This will help you to stop nagging. Don't make us tell you again.
To learn more about improving your relationship, go to Gottman.com.
Comments
Wow! I need help from Dr. Gottman on how to argue with my husband when his response is always "you criticise me, or he answers, you are always negative or blame it on me" before I even have a chance to tell him what I'm feeling. His response makes me shut up and of course, I am harboring resentments. I am hoping to get my husband, who is a stubborn "old" German (77 yrs.)to take the quiz and see if we can start communicating to satisfy this young chick (63)who needs love and attention!!!
It's difficult to keep it simple,in all relationships, and I feel the loss of good language skills permit much misinterpretation. every language has local translation and it takes skill for both, the sender to articulate intention ,but all too often the receiver is led astray by their own assumtions.
Your show was meaningful to me today. I lived like that for 22 years. I knew what the councelor was going to say before he said it. I was in counceling at the onset of my marriage over 30 years ago. Today I am happily divorced. My ex still insists on stonewalling me and treating me with contempt. I am working hard on healing and happiness. I hope to take all of this healthy info and use it when I remarry one day.
THANK YOU,
Cathy