On Anderson's "Fight Lab" episode, marriage researcher and best-selling author Dr. John Gottman gives his tips on how to fight the right way.
Dr. Gottman advises: "The important thing is not to point your finger at your partner, but to really talk about what you need and what your positive need is: your recipe for success."
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The blond haired bitch is nothing but an annoying high maintenance and selfish ****. It's OK to have some personal time as parents, but sounds like she would rather give them up for adoption and go party. It it wasn't for the kids I'd say dump the bitch. If he has enough money, then he probably should anyway. It's just going to get worse. She looks like she probably has had a ton of plastic surgery. I bet if she actually smiled she'd have a goatee.
This couldn't have come at a better time. My spouse and I have been walking on egg shells through the past few years and it's coming to a head. We were living every single point.Before I saw this I suggested we will both go off and write what about our feelings towards the other person. The rules are, no attacking or name calling. Writing with respect towards the other person. List the issues and talk about them and review them on a regular basis adding and deleting issues we feel need or no longer need to talk about. My question is how often should we do this? Once a week, once every two weeks?
to Susan, No, you are not a pain. You need help and reaching out. I hear you. Unfortunately, I don't know how to help you. I will pray for you. I've been told to either "fix it, remove it or accept it". Which one will you chose?
Just ran across this utube on relationships. Excellent info.
I'm 87 and married 7 years ago. One of the gifts o****e is
you have seen all of the good and bad of marriages. Therefore, I am mature enough to know what can happen, and how to steer away from it. Its funny, actualy I am just finishing up a book called LAUGH AGAIN THE 'HA' THAT HEALS.
I know that laughter is medicine, and since I did research to prove it, I'm in control (of me) and tell jokes to brighten up the environment to head off a possible fight. I'd love to have a copy of Dr.Gottman's book, if you have them. When my book is in print (about two months Ihhope) I'll send a copy to you. I love your show. Continued success. Thelm T.
Watching that couple, I thought it was easy to think the issue was with the woman, but then I saw the contempt in the husband's eyes. He just had no respect for what she was complaining about. What was important to her, wasn't an issue for him.
I don't know how you fix that. I mean, if she's dressing like a hooker to get your negative attention, it's better than no attention at all. They sure seemed mismatched. I would think it's really hard to be married to someone who was one thing before you got married and different afterwards. I think he did bait and switch her. Anyone else?
This is for Susan....Please don't feel sorry for reaching out for help. Read both blogs, and felt as though I was reading about myself. I know how it feels to be confident, and not fearful. I also know that life can sometimes throw so much drama your way that it can deplete a person physically, emotionally, and mentally. Not having a support system in place can hold many of us back from successfully moving forward...the desire is there, but the fear can be overwhelming. I know that I really need to talk to someone, but so far have not found a counselor who is willing to help me understand and redirect my own shortcomings. This is the first I have heard of Dr. Gottman, and I too was impressed with his insight. was wondering if Dr. G. replied to your comments? Sincerely, Angela
LOVE John Gottman and have many of his books....missed yesterday's episode!
Can I buy a copy of it from your show??? Thanks...Love your show Anderson
Dr. John Gottman - I work hard to positive, leave time to think. Leave time has never worked. Just stonewalling.
My partner are happy mostly. After my illness, we have no love in bed. They both are love each other but not the partner 'in love'. We don't sleep in a bed together....7 years. I need to help with the illness, so I can't leave. The partner will talk if I start. The tragic goes to both. But I still need to know I am loved...in bed. The partner is in the stonewalling, too. I try to listen, tell how much I need for the partner. I love having a very caring partner for my illness but I am hating for not being able to have need of my 'love in' or sex. Will I leave this world like that? (My words and sentence are part of my illness)
I hope i didn't make any of you irritated by my hugh blog before. I saw the Dr's story about what the 4 wrong things are and it amazed me that someone actually knows the type of horror a person goes through when this happens. Maybe someone will read my other blog and it might work as a warning for them. Maybe help a person to leave a bad relationship instead of trying to fix it alone. If one person see's my blog and it helps, then my life just got back a bit of worth. I thank all of you for being patient. I am a pain to listen to. God bless
Hi Dr. John, All 4 things my husband does to me. And the things never to say also. I can add a few things to your list of not to's. Hurry up. No matter what we are doing, I am told to hurry up. When I talk on the phone, go to the store, try to say anything, get ready to leave. And what's worse and should also be addressed is how your inlaws tend to take your husbands lead. They don't know you that well. But in my case, the behavior he gives me is not known by them. They have known him forever. He never acted this way towards them. So they automatically assume I am causing a problem. I try so hard to show them that I'm not what ever weird thing they think. My husbands method of undermining me is fool proof. He dosen't tell them a word. He just acts sad, frustrated, and without any of the uglies i get, he gives me the silent treatment. It is so scarey how well that works. If he were to make up a lie about me, that would be not as bad. His refusal to talk is a two fold thing to them. They see him as a hero for protecting my reputation after some horrible thing i did and that shows his undying love for me. and also they think it shows his big heart to protect me from the families finding outwhat i did. They don't even ask what it is. They see him and are instantly mad at me and don't even allow me to try to explain the truth.
Here's the real problem. I was very sick and needed a heart transplant. During a time i was in a coma, he stayed with me 24 7 and prayed and put on a show to end all shows. When I woke from my coma, for the first time ever, I saw raw love in his eyes. Alot of it. I never felt that from him so much. I was on life support and in trouble with my life. But at that one moment, i was happier than i have ever been before. The only time I saw the love instead of the pain. Now I am well. So now I see hate. I sometimes wish i would be ill again so he would look at me like that again. I am a life that has ended, yet still I walk. I can't live without him. I am lost. I don't have any support system. I am not in pocession of enough of my self to even try to start over. I have become all the ugly he said i am without any of the reasons. I am forever to be the before picture. So please Doctor, help people to end this type of abuse or help them to find a way out. Because if they stay, a thing worse than death happens. You don't die. You will never know the level of dark the place i go to is. When I fall into the depths of my depression, I truely believe I am not worth wasting the bullet to end my life. That i am not worth wasting a bullet on. I think of myself as a waste of skin. That the air i breathe is wasted on me. Tell your people about what staying in these types of things will lead to. I am not sucidal. I have grown to hate myself so much that i passed a life sentence on myself. You see ending my life would be to good for me. I once was a smart, beautiful, talented, and rich woman. I owned my own business and was respected in the community. I was semi powerful politically in my town. What ever i touched turned golden. My life was seen as an insperation by others. My kids were proud of me. My family also. I knew my own worth and thanked God for it. Then I met Rick................. In conclusion. There are things worse than death. To live in a world invisable. I have people talk behind my back in front of me. This must be the very ground level type of devalueing. Most people wait till the person is not there to talk behind their back. It is of no importance with me. aAnd they arn't doing it because I am there. I am so devalued, they usually don't even notice that i am or understand that it matters that i am. I am the ultimate example of what happens to a person when they lose their worth. It is like becoming invisiable. People don't see you. And what ever is left of me, is so depleated, that I literally feel as if i am fading. But death? No, I live on and become less every day. I am hoping maybe my story might be veiwed as a before and after thing. Before, happy, after if you stay, nothing.
I found myself saying, "she needs to stop acting like a child." I respect she's a mother, so why isn't she behaving like a responsible adult. All I heard, was "poor me" even though those words weren't spoken.
@ Theodora..I think you are WRONG in your comments. I don't think she married him for his money. Some women are attracted to older men for their maturity and being wise. I listened to her carefully, she's trying to spcie up her marriage and she's willing to work with him. If she didn't care about him or as you claim she's there for his money...the looks she got she can get a 30 year old in a snap at which she's not doing that because she loves her husband and wants his attention. So do your homework before you make judgments. If you look at her husband he seems to be a happy man, she's simply frustrated because his actions are lame or what i call boring!
IF she married him for his money she wouldn't be fighting, she would keep peace so he won't have an inclint that she's screwing around. She's a good wife from what I saw. I can relate to her problems. I love my husband to death, only if he was a little bit in reality.
Omg! I saw the show and I feel the pain this poor lady is going through! I have the same problem with my husband. My husband is 6 years older than me, passive and slow to react. MAKES me sick to my stomach, I can relate to her frustration because it makes me look the bad one and the agressive one. I AM very kind, cool and collected, however, my husband's actions drives all the TNT's out of me. We've been married for 27 years and we still fight.....I think it turns him on!
Crysta is the mean one. She is in denial. Did she marry the Doctor for his money? Maybe he was tricked.