Link to Bethany St. James' Controversial Column
Wednesday, February 08, 2012 5:00AM
After posting an article on Huffington Post about the state of affection in America, Bethany St. James, a legal prostitute in the state of Nevada, became a controversial figure on the subject of why men cheat.
Bethany joined the conversation on "Anderson," voicing a much-challenged opinion that subsists on the idea that women -- and their lack of affection toward men -- are to blame for the wandering eyes of their men.
She expands on this idea in the original article she wrote for Huffington Post, so feel free to read her column for yourself to better understand her point of view: Sexuality vs. Sensuality: The Steady Decline of Affection in America by Bethany St. James.
Filed Under: As Seen On The Show
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jane siebert..I do feel for you..I grew up watching my father work as an internal auditor for the IRS for 30 years..He also was a major in the military with 28 years of service, sevred in the Korean war as an intelligence officer, spoke 7 languages. My Mother watched after all 5 children and worked outside the home as well as keeping a huge garden and dealing with 3 trouble making boys 1 year apart. evey time My father came home the 1st thing he did was carress my mother from behind her kissing her on the neck and tell her how much he loved and apreciated her..she would lean back with a smile and they would kiss like fireworks..just like Bethany said !!!!!!!!!! I on the other hand got married and the day I got married my wife quit her job..I worked 6 days a week 14 hrs a day at a extremley dangerous job about 27ft under ground at times. Paid her car off,bought a new car, built my own 4 bedroom house on 3 acres and had 2 children all by the time I was 23 years old..allways paid attention to what my wife`s needs were..1 day out of nowhere she wanted a divorce..She was always suspicious, jelous and controling. I gave her that divorce and it was like lifting the weight of the world off my shoulders..she never gave me what I truley wanted...JUST LIKE BETHANY SAID!!!!!SOME ONE TO TALK TO AND LISTEN TO AND SHaRE INTIMACY WITH...The next 5 years all she did was try to reconcile with me... NNNNNOOOOO..FFFFIIIINNN WAY!!! now I totally understand why men and women alike find what they need that they are not getting at home...This country has become sociopathic, self absored, and emotionally bankrupt..If I ever found a woman like Bethany that would feel the same way about me..ID MARRY HER OVER AND OVER AND OVER EVRY YEAR JUST TO LET HER KNOW HOW MUCH SHE MEANS TO ME!!!!
judy Delbridge,,You sound just like the women Bethany is talking about,,I COULDNT IMAGINE CRAWLING INTO BED WITH SUCH A FRIDGED SELF OBSORBED TYPICAL AMERICAN SOCIOPATH. It is all about you isnt it..Thats why you see such a big surge of american men going over seas to find a compasionate wife with affection and a moral compass..You sound sexually illiterate..I feel for your husband if he hasnt already wised up and kicked you to the curb..
Seriously, what is wrong with Bethany st James' eyebrows?
Bethany was pretty cool, honest and open in her position as a courtesan and why men (and women) come to her. She genuinely tried to shed light on the mechanics of men. The women on the other side of the isle, however presented themselves as defensive and frigid. They were pretty scary and very controlling. I am a woman and I could not fathom coming home to the likes of them, if I were a man. Trust me when I tell you that Brittany is right. These men aren't getting what they need at home and they are being rejected. Children are being used as pawns. There is nobody home. Sad.
I give a big thumbs up to Bethany and the "other woman" for being courageous and outspoken on a topic that deserves all the attention it got and then some. I read the blog and agree with what Bethany had to say. I have personally been through all kinds of intimacy problems from seeing infidelity as a child (watching my mother lie and cheat) to being a part of it in my adult life. I have been "cheated", the "cheater" and the "other woman." It is not one set of circumstances that drives the intimacy problem that people are seeking to pay for escape time. We as a culture have become very disconnected from each other. It's all about me and what can I get. Lack of accountability is another factor, and living in a distraction loaded fast paced world that is obsessed with material things instead of spiritual growth, love and understanding. A little less finger pointing, blame gaming and little more active loving (it's what you do that counts, not what you have or say)and perhaps asking someone else what they need could go a lot further in ending this problem of me vs you with intimacy. This goes for men and women, the problem is always 50/50. You teach people how to treat you.....
To LENA: YOU ARE 100% PERCENT RIGHT. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR COMMENT. HOW CAN ANYBODY EXPECT MEN TO STAY AWAY FROM WOMEN. GOD CREATED HIM TO GO AND MATE WITH A WOMAN...NOT A MAN.
I TOO NOTICED HOW THEY WERE NOT GIVING/UNDERSTANDING HER EFFORTS TO
HELP THE "PUTO" MEN.
Okay, so I read Bethany's coloumn. She claims she's not ashamed of what she does and yet, she never mentions that she gets paid for sex only 'intimacy.' While I do think that some men do want the GFE, I also think the bigger part of what she does is sex for money. Now along with the sex she may play a 'role' of the 'girl friend' but she's paid to fulfill a fantasy of some sort even if the fantasy is merely that you shut up and listen and pretend to be interested in me (the paying customer). It's not a give and take of conversation, concern and genuine interest, it's a one sided relationship that entails a lie and an exchange of money. The fact that couples come to her doesn't make me think anything accept either the wives feel threatend in some way, so they do what they think they have to, to keep their man happy or maybe they get turned on by it too, but it's still what it is-prostitution. I don't blame her for the men who go to her. The men make their choices regardless of their excuses.
Why is everyone jumping all over the "other" women and not the men. Prostitution has been around for centuries and it's not going away. The proof cheat tips are not realistic for couples who have kids and are both working....they have no time. Let's be honest, when woman go through childbirth, there is a fear of intimacy as it could lead to sex. Communication, which should be so easy for people is the hardest thing in a relationship. People are so scared to say what they feel and what they think, which is really sad. If you think your husband wouldn't cheat on you, get real, everyone is capable.
I think Anderson and the women were completely unfair to Bethany!! I have yet to hear anyone hold the men accountable for their actions. All of the blame does not lie with the "other" woman. I genuinely feel bad for Bethany and the woman next to her because they were other people's punching bags as they held their own as gracefully as they could in the situation. As a legal prostitute and a former mistress, they were simply there to enlighten other women. They were not treated fairly by the Anderson Cooper team, and I'm sure people who want to come on the show would think twice about sharing controversial experiences. This show is becoming more like Jerry Springer everyday, not in line with the high journalistic standards I have come to expect from Anderson. Believe me when I say that I absolutely adore Anderson and that's why I felt more compelled to post my comment. Please, Anderson, make a change to the content you air or be less judgmental and biased of your guests!
its so simple n easy!!! Okay first of all these women with cheating men needs to stop being the victims! Okay, it don't matter if your man goes n cheat on u with a prostitue or not the point is that they are cheating! N there must be a reason for them to cheat on their wives. If they r gonna cheat then they r gonna cheat, don't matter if it's a babysitter, neighbor, or a one night stand with a girl at the bar..the point is they r cheating. So stop trying to make the prostitue n mistress look bad, the only person that is wrong is the husband n wife for not working out their own marriage, n their marriage is their problem not anyone else. So it's plain n simple.
In July I lost my job,I was not finding another one..so I became an escort...mind you I thought I would never do anything like that. I was actually amazed..what Bethany is saying is true...I rarely had to have sex....these men would just enjoy snuggling..talking..laughing and being silly..kissing and it was because their wives were so caught up in other things they didn't make time for them. I am not proud of what I had to do, but I learned alot..and what not to do in my own relationships
I have a male friend who has been having an ongoing affair for two years. The state we live in it is almost impossible to get a divorce in. I understand his situation because I know both him and his wife. She is an alcoholic, abuses her prescription drugs and relies on him for EVERYTHING. I asked why he felt stepping outside his vows was his only action left to take. He responded by telling me "with out me she would have nothing. What I am looking for I can get with the woman I have had the on going relationship with I get laughter, conversation, affection, she tells me when I have done a good job she encourages me to be a better person. My wife is like a child I need to take care of and when I have asked her to seek counseling and go into rehab she has said she doesn't need it I will always be there to take care of her."
Being a woman I have watched other women in their relationships and I wonder why their men stay. I don't nag, I don't gripe about something not being done and I am independent enough that I rarely rely on the man I am with. I don't yell if he is with his friends out late. I am just saying instead of stating it is all the males or woman he is having the affair with fault a woman may need to step back and ask herself what was lacking for him to stray outside the marriage.
On his show today Anderson Cooper's disapproval of the "Prostitute" and the "Mistress" was so blatant as to be unprofessional. They were invited onto a talk show with his name on the masthead. He should have allowed them to speak and kept his opinions to himself. It looked very nasty; a lot like a witch hunt. Not professional journalism.
This entire audience is ignorant to gang up on prostitutes! So the prostitute who is sitting in a brothel trying to make a living is ruining people’s lives that they don't know, and not the husband who is consciously walking in and paying for their "time" when they should be paying for groceries, diapers etc.. Yeah blame the prostitute. People do they things every day that are wrong and don’t get attacked like the prostitute did on this show today, pathetic. She isn't going out looking for married men to ruin their lives, THEY ARE COMING TO HER!! What woman is so stupid to sit there and defend their husband who cheats on them and blame it on the woman!? There are a million of women he can go cheat with, there is only one of him. So is this woman going to blame every woman on earth for their failed marriage? I think all this time these married woman spend blaming prostitutes for their failed marriages and the reason their husbands cheat should spend money on therapy figuring out why they have such low self-esteem to stay with a man that would do it!! I have news for you wives who get cheated on... If your husband cared, he wouldn't be cheating in the first place!!! Think about that! I am not for prostitution but I am not stupid enough to blame the innocent either. I would wake up and leave the problem, not defend it and make myself look more like a fool then I do staying married.