A Mistress & Prostitute's Advice: How Wives Can Please Husbands
Bethany St. James, a legal prostitute who believes that women are at least partially to blame for their husbands' cheating, has one final message for wives who hope to keep their spouses away from prostitutes.
"[Men] want a normal, everyday woman," Bethany says. "Everyone has these callous views of what men and women want in each other, and that's just not true. Be yourself."
Sarah Symond, a former "Professional Mistress," also says it's "hypocritical" for people to judge Bethany for what most people give away for free. "We all prostitute ourselves in some way," Sarah says.
Simone Bienne, a Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist, has a hard time understanding their points, explaining to Sarah and Bethany that most men who visit prostitutes are avoiding their fears of intimacy.
Comments
I just recently watched the show on Why do men cheat?
I have to say i just about lost my mind on how one sided the
whole "conversation" and audience questioning went.
First of all men cheat because they can.It really doesn't matter if the marrige has no intimacy or love or whatever,
we were not born to be "faithful" we train ourselves to be.That is a fact!
I was about ready to pull my hair out when i watched how everyone seemed
to dog on the "prostitute" and the former mistress. They are
not all to blame for why men go to them. Men are half to blame for going outside of the marrige/relationship. I CANNOT STAND SIMPLE MINDED women who just blame the other women. Please wake the F up it's "your" man that is going elsewhere.And why is that? He needs to take half of the responibility.I slept with a married man once and what he was telling me, well lets just say i wasn't the first woman he had stepped out of his marrige with. He told me he did it cause he could and he wasn't physically attracted to his wife anymore. He married her cause he thought thats what he wanted in his life at that time.I have herd that from several men that i know that are married or are in relationships. They have all told me that they would step out if they knew they could get away with it.Wrong or right that is how men think,maybe not all men but hey like that x-mistress was trying to say, one way or another a man is going to have to pay for sex wheather it's at the start of a relationship or in one.We as women have all given up what's between our legs to get what what we want,wheather we admit to it or not. That was her ****IN POINT!I will admit it,YES
i have slept with men to get what i wanted, am i a whore? maybe? maybe not? If a man is dumb enough to give me what i want for sex then OH F....IN" well.If half of those "sanctimonious" woman in that audience would just stop and think about it, they to have given up what's between their legs for something they really wanted. Are they whores as well? Well i guess thats between their God and them.I really would like to see a show on the other side of that. Talk to the men who cheat with other women, not nec. pros but maybe the wife's friend, it takes all kinds, men only think with one head and its not the one on their shoulders.i can promise you that. Do i feel sorry for the women who have their men cheat? Yes and no! Women need to wake the F
up and take a good hard look at themselves first then look at their man and then at the marrige as a whole. The wife who was on the pannel who said she was an awesome person, well be that as it may, (i didn't find her physically attractive.)But good luck to her being an awesome person lets's see if that keeps her man at home. (doubt it). Men are PIGS! I'm just saying.DON'T BLAME the other woman,. and DO NOT leave the man blameless.He is got the wondering penis right? I know i keep repeating myself but hey i just go nuts at the thought of a man getting away with no blame for cheating.Lets just place the blame where it needs to half be. Thanks !
Sexual intimacy should be with one partner for life. Don't ever get into a relationship that you don't plan on staying in for the long run. There will definitely be ups and downs, but the two people should realize that up front, and commit to working through their problems together.
I have been married to my husband for 19 plus years. We have definitely had our problems. The difference between us and so many others is that when we committed to each other, we meant it. We will work together to make sure that the relationship that we both know is forever... stays forever...
Eyebrows and Bethany.
What is it about women who shave their eyebrows off and then paint them back on. Do they really think that looks good?
Christopher
Why men cheat, Your guests are correct about lacking intimacy. As I come to accept my being gay, I have the personal knowledge of men of all ages, more so on 40-60..., that consider them-self bi. In my encounters most want that connection and their marriages lack the sex and intimacy. I find that men don't think they are cheating in a sense. Time and time again as they love their wives, but after having children the sex goes out with the bath water. Just pure and simple men want sex, any time day or night. Just pure and simple. I will add that I did not even touch the subject of men that say they are straight; that's another whole story in it self. Men are wanting a intimacy that they are not receiving. I can speak from my own experience.
As one with a Journalism degree and long time fan of Anderson Cooper ( first met him on my college campus while studying Journalist), I must say that reading the daily "themes" of his show disappoint me. This is all nothing but the Jenny Jones/Montel Williams/Jerry Springer trash that dominated the 90's. I expected more from you, Anderson. What a let down. I would've expected you to have more journalistic integrity than what you have exhibited so far.
Men cheat because either they are not getting enough sex or they are not getting the type of sex that they want. Sex is the major driving force for men in their relationships. Love is not the issue. Men tolerate women for sex and when they are not getting it, they look elsewhere. Women naturally tire of sex as they age; that is why you see so many middle-aged men with younger women. It is a fact of life: men are not naturally monogamous; women try to make them monogamous, but it usually fails.
I am a woman who has experienced this.
What a disappointing show, the wives should not blame themselves, they should blame the women who aid in ruining their marriages. Sarah's level of integrity and self esteem are clear with her stating we are all prostitutes: Speak for yourself. If you google her she is hardly an expert, just another woman trying to get fame off sleeping with married high profile men, some of which deny even knowing her. Is she in a relationship now? Hardly an expert on relationships when she admits to 15 years of being a mistress, admitting to 15 years probably means 20 plus. At least Bethenny is not connecting to men on an emotional level, waiting for a man to break up his family. The therapist was top notch, she needs to have Sarah in sessions - she is delusional when it comes to men, wives and what love means.
I was disappointed that Anderson didn't stay objective on this topic, especially with Bethany. Several times he doubted her motives.
There should be cheating men on the show.
I don't buy that because "it is readily available" argument; therefore, men cheat. Foods are available everywhere too, not everyone becomes obese, and some are still anorexic?
Men cheat, maybe they have an addiction problem, or self-esteem problem...Hence, in a male-oriented society they feel weak to disclose to their problems to their wives or their buddies, sometime worse they fail to recognize their issues cause men are not supposed to feel that way! So, with the almighty $$$, they feel empower to seek out others to comfort them, they may even see that as a simple business transaction, until they develop that warm-fuzzy feeling.
Regarding the "expert", commanding that she keeps her clothes on, and the mistress doesn't? That's a blame game! therapy 101: objectivity and non-judgemental! where are they?
Anderson, you should do a follow-up show and explore why men seek out legal and illegal prostitutes. At the end of the day, they are the ones with issues.
For the wives ... yes, don't blame yourself! but should also move on and close the book, they were not the guys!
I think the 2 ladies on the stage were getting a tremendous unfair amount of blame! I have been with my husband for 10 years. If my husband was to seek other "means" of sex, then that is on him...not the other woman...especially if they are a "professional". Im just saying that alot of the women in the audience wanted to blame the women who the men go to and not put any blame on the husbands...that's all. Blame needs to be put in the right place and it's not always "the other woman"!!
Next time include both sexes,men and women.This is more an half baked cake. Men should have been the ones telling us about why they do cheat as opposed to getting second hand informatiion from people who are at work(doing their profession).Men who are the 'topic' should have been giving us an insight on their behaviour.
I find it hard to believe that you would have 5 women on a panel to say why "men" cheat
First of all, thank you for considering my comments. I am a 46 year old black male who has been married and divorced. I will say that I have never cheated on my wife although I had many chances to. Some of those chances came from my ex- wife`s friends,some from neighbors, and some from my friends` wives or girlfriends. The significance of me being a black man is that we are stigmatized as being oversexed and more likely to cheat than men of other races.
I watched your show today and was compelled to respond to some comments made on the show(because you couldn`t hear me yell at the tv)(smile) The first thing that I think the show should have done was have men on the show or on the phone to ask them directly why they cheat. I will say that including my teen years, I cheated 3 times while in relationships. I am not condoning cheating in any way, form, or fashion or for any reason. However, I know that there are many reasons why men do cheat.I have had many close male friends over the years. In my experience, the most common reason is unhappiness in the relationship.
I will give a list of what I feel is some common reasons that I have felt and have heard from others as to why they cheat. Before I give this list, I am going to submit that I believe that men are predestined to procreation. I believe that simply because of our evolutionary make-up, we are designed and wired to seek women to have sex with to keep the planet populated. Relationships however, are another matter.
The list of reasons men cheat as I have been told and have felt at one time in my life are these:
1. Other than necessary things in life ie; kids, work, home, the man`s status at home decreases. He is moved down on the list of importance.
2. The wife stops doing what she did to get his attention when they first started dating.
3. The wife holds out on sex, using it as a bargaining tool.
4. The wife refuses to become his fantasy.
5. The wife ASSUMES that she knows her man and his needs and wants without asking. Contrary to popular belief, we are just not that simple.
6. Sex with the wife is boring.
I will stop there for now. I can expound on each of those points greatly but, I won`t at this point. These are a few of the reasons that keep coming up.
I would be remiss if I didn`t say that all of these reasons are not all the wife`s fault. It ALWAYS takes two to make a relationship work. I could make a list of the reasons women cheat and how men caused alot of these problems but, that was not the premise of the show.
I believe that these problems can be solved by making time for each other and talking as friends and lovers. Let nothing stand in the way of the passion and attraction that got you together in the first place. Continue reminding each other of how attractive you are to them and SHOW them! Be willing to try something new, even if it`s a bit outside your norm.
Thank you for allowing a me to express my view about such a hot button subject.
G.
While watching the comments from the two pros,it became clear to me why men cheat,men are dogs,they are not looking for intimacy,they want sex,thats it.It dosen't matter whether or not their home life ia compatable or not,men want sex from a woman in any form.All men, if given a chance,will take advantage of sex whenever.Will they feel guilty cheating? Yes.After the first time would they go back?Yes.Its in our genes,literally.There isn't a man out in this world who dosen't crave another woman.We are dogs after the bitch.
I would like to commend Bethany and let you know that you are so right, keep going one day they will get it. Stay strong, they just do not understand it. I get it, it is women like you who can change the world. I feel disappointed in the anderson show for letting the conversation go the way it did, the two of you were the only ones who sounded genuine and educated. Thank you
Hi. I'am a 62 yr. old happily married man with 3 young children. Married later in life and have been married faithfully thru out my marriage for 18 years. I have never known a man who has cheated on his wife to be happy with himself or with the relationship he has with his wife. I believe these married men are looking for someone to validate them. I believe (for what ever reason) they do not feel safe in their relationship to express their needs to their spouse. I do not condone their behavior, just making an observation over a life time of experience. Thank You. Martin Rhoads