Poll: Does Calling the Cops on Your Kids Mean You're Not in Control?
Wednesday, January 25, 2012 5:00AM
On Anderson's "Should You Call the Cops on Your Kids?" show, guests discuss how their kids pushed the boundaries so far, they felt it necessary to call police to regain control.
But does calling the cops on your own kids give the message to your kids that you're not in control? Are parents handing their parenting duties over to the police?
Take our poll, and let us know what you think.
Filed Under: As Seen On The Show
Comments
I think those parents should have had a clue before they were teenagers. Who is in charge of them? The children or the parents. My sister and I had 5 Children under the age of 3. (They were 3 1/2, 2 1/2,1, 1 and newborn, and you can bet all of them behaved themselves. You have to start when they start walking. You can't expect the child to listen at age 13 when you haven't disciplined at an earlier age. Parents, get a clue and make consequences and FOLLOW through.
My son is not a kid he is 22 years old. He doesn't attended school or have a job. He sleeps most of the day and sometimes at night. He hurt his back and I believe he is addicted to pain meds.. He claims he is in constant pain He has seen a Dr and they gave him the pain meds. They sent him to therapy but now he won't go. He doesn't leave the house.. Ok now I am so stuck on what to do, I love him and want the best for him but this young adult needs help. He refuses help and says He doesn't have a problem. How can I handle this?
Oh and my parents didn't call the cops on me even though they wanted to. They sent me to 2 disciplinary boarding schools in the states. I'm from Canada so I was away from my country, my family, and everything I knew for 2 and a half years. These schools are specifically for troubled teens making bad choices that are leading them to a destructive life and they help them to shift their self-limiting beliefs like I'm not loved and I'm stupid to self-enhancing beliefs like I am loved, I am smart and I am capable for creating anything I want. These programs do this by having the students go through character building seminars. It shifted my thinking dramatically from negative to positive and it helped me break all my patterns of self-sabotage and helped me build strong self-esteem. The parents are also expected to do the seminars if they want their kids to graduate the program. If the parents don't shift their way of thinking and their self-limiting beliefs as well than the patterns will just continue when your child comes home.
Coming from a "troubled teenager's" perspective... I am currently 22 years old and 6 years ago my family was in crisis similar to these families. I was an out of control teenager making bad choices and throwing my life away. I was stealing from my parents and from stores, I was associating myself and hanging out with kids who were smoking pot and dealing drugs, though I never did drugs myself. I was being disrespectful to my parents and at times I got into physical fights with them, I skipping school so much that by the time I reached the 10th grade I only had 5 credits to my name. In the 10th grade I also dropped out of high school... I was also sneaking out of the house even though my parents told me I couldn't go out and I was being promiscuous.
I was making all these negative choices based on the self-limiting beliefs (negative beliefs) I had about myself because of the circumstances that have happened in my life. Even though I am only 22 years old I have been through a lot. My mom had me at the age I am now, I've never known my biological father, my mom married my step dad when I was four, when I was young I was diagnosed with A.D.D, and all through elementary school I was bullied and teased. So from all that I had developed numerous self-limiting beliefs about myself. Everybody has them, it's the monkey chatter inside our minds. And every thing bad that happens to us after the first time just reinforces the beliefs we made up about ourselves from before. We as human beings love to be right. That's part of the ego and we will do anything to prove it. In one of Henry Ford's quotes, he says "Whether you think you can or you can't, your right." My beliefs were that I was unworthy of being loved, that something was wrong with me somehow that my own father didn't want to be in my life and raise me. I thought that I was stupid and I wasn't capable or worthy of having what I wanted in my life. I believed all this to the core of my very being and those beliefs were what drove me to make the choices that I did when I was a teenager. I believed that I wasn't capable or worthy of getting what I wanted in my life, so what was the point of trying?... and by not putting in my effort that was my way of proving myself right about my beliefs. Your children are doing all this and acting out as an unconscious cry for help to you. They want to feel loved and wanted just like everyone in this world. To them right now negative attention is better than no attention and somehow something has set them in this state of mind. This was the way I was when I was acting out, though at the time when I was in that emotional rut I wouldn't have been able to identify that was what was going on. Love them through it, and let them know that you still love them and your not upset with them but your upset with their choices. There is always a positive intention for everything we do even though someone else may look at it as a negative intention. I may be a teenager yelling and being disrespectful to my parents or my parents may be yelling at me because they don't like what I'm doing. But the positive intention behind the yelling is that neither of you feel heard... Listen to each other and be open to what each of you have to say. Put yourself in each others shoes and try to understand each others perspectives and beliefs. This will help you get on the same page and be able to work together.
Something else to remember is that everything starts inside the mind and projects outward. Behavior follows belief... ALWAYS! All of us also contribute to every situation, good or bad. We all need to take accountability for our part and until you can identify it than nothing can change or shift.
this doctor you have on your show is giving worthless information in regards to not calling the police on your children. our son is nearly 21yrs and in his third year of college. from age 12 through his high school years he put us through living hell literally every day to the point where we had to call the sheriff multiple times whenever he crossed the boundaries we set or if we felt lives were in danger. those calls to the sheriff were recommended and sanctioned by the best counselor we had ever had. she helped us set the boundaries w/ our son. so whenever he acted out and we had to call for help from the sheriff, he finally started to recognize that we would do whatever we needed to keep everyone safe. this counselor got him through high school, college prep, and even his first two years of college. i totally believe there are circumstances that require the help and support of our law enforcement. the sheriffs that came to our house treated us w/ the upmost respect and handled our son in a way that he listened and acted accordingly. calling the law on your children is certainly not easiest thing to do, but it certainly worked out for the best in our family.
People on your show that think there is no way parents should ever call the police on their kids have never been in a situation that warranted it. Teenagers are capable of making your life and the lives of your family a living hell! Simply saying parents need to set boundaries etc. does not help totally out of control kids that will not follow rules period. Anderson, if kids run away parents are responsible for anything they do because they are minors. If they don't go to school you are responsible - but you can't make them stay at the high school when you are at work! I have been there and your guests did not really address the other side at all. Like I said, if you haven't been there you don't have any idea!!
Having a child that is out of control...I did everything from good parenting practices with consequences for misbehavior, counseling, rewards for good behavior, writing sentences...you name it I tried it. My daughter consistently lied, stole from family members, downloaded adult content books and refused to follow simple instructions. My 13 almost 14 year old daughter had a cell phone, computer, tv, sterio and freedom to "hang out" with friends, until her bad behaviors continued and she lost everything! She was grounded to her room only to leave it to eat, use the bathroom and go to school. I finally took her to the law enforcement office after the last episode of stealing. They "couldn't" do anything. Fortunately her father that was never in her life for more then a month or two every fer years made arrangements to take her. It kills me that after almost 14 years of working my self to death with two or more jobs, having only family help care for her that she would turn out to be this person. How do you deal with a child that steals from everyone. I had a choice to make...continue dealing with a child that hurt the other 3 children in the house not to mention the adults... I chose to let this child live with her father and protect my other 3 children.
I feel for that mother!! I am so sorry as I have been through the same thing. Kids like your daughter might have more issues like attachment disorder/along with Borderline Personality disorder. What might work at a consequence for a "normal child" will not work with children that CAN'T get "it". Normal punishments don't seem to work. Years of therapy could not help and today I have not spoken to my "gifted" daughter for over 10 months. Good luck and I hope you keep peace in yourself.
Childrens Aid has caused 99% of all the problems parents are having with their kids these days. It is drilled into kids heads from the time they can walk that nobody should touch them and that includes spanking... well, my parents spanked me and I do not consider them abusive nor was childrens aid at our door. I dont even think chilrens aid existed.Its time to realize that something needs to change. Not once did my parents attend court with me or my brothers.Take a look at the courts today..Need I say more...
First, as much as I love you...you don't let your guests finish their thoughts..It frustrates ME, it HAS TO frustrate the guest who can't get their point out! As the first guest tried to explain.. Her daughter became of another personality when she went to High School. I raised 3 daughters..at least I TRIED.. I never had to call the police on them but there were a couple of close calls. We have to have training and a license for so many things but parenting is supposed to come naturally, when it is not only one of the hardest jobs in the world as well as the one with the most severe consequences ...negative AND positive... It isn't at all fair to say your first guest is a poor parent.. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"
No one is actually talking about the biggest problem. Before the issue comes up about to call the cops or not there are other issues. The councilors tell kids "if they punish you call me and I will see to it it stops" most of the time this is the parent going to jail. Like the lady on the show today< I too called because of run away issues and was told the same thing. It is very unfortunate that your expert today has a listening problem. There are many times that happens and it is never addressed, so what else was she supposed to do. Move to another town what would that fix. NOTHING!!!! I know I tried that. In the end it is not the parents fault it is more the people saying "If you do this you will go to jail" or "don't spank that child it is child abuse" I feel it is abuse when you let it go and not correct the situation.
I wish the so called experts would learn what works for one does not work with all. I agree with some of the other comments who say I wish that the so called experts should walk a day im my shoes as well.
I live in Lindsay Ontario, Canada and 11 years ago I called childrens aid for help with my daughter. She refused to go to school if she didnt want to, she stole from me and pawned things to get money for smokes, drugs, booze or whatever. She had everything she ever wanted. I kept calling childrens aid and they kept telling me that they couldnt help me if I had not hit her. Final straw " I hit her" did not leave mark. called them back and said there I hit her... now can you help me. In the next few minutes, childrens aid and police where at my door and I was charged with assault.. she was 12 years old at the time. She was abused in foster care and wittnessed a rape in a group home... She ran away from a foster home and childrens aid had no idea where she was for 3 weeks. I found her and the judge ordered her back home. Nothing had changed and she is still the same. Only difference is she has 2 kids of her own and is raising them to be the same as her... Kids rule the world these days and thre is not a damn thing we can do about it....
Should You Call the Cops on Your Kids? (my short story)
Absoluetly, yes. Iam a woman in my late (ahem) 40's. I was the most miserable and uncontrollable teenager/young adult. I constantly ran away, lived on the streets, took drugs, etc. Everything you do in life has consequences, but of course, I would not take responsibility for my actions--it was everyone elses problem. Well...I have to tell you, if my folks had taken a "tough love" instead of a "you can lead a horse to water but can't make them drink" approach, my life would have been much, much different. You can make them drink -- Nip it in the bud. You may be surprised with the outcome.
When my daughter was 16 I had her arrested as she was very abusive to me, verbally and physically. It was the hardest thing I have ever done and I cried for days. She went through the court system, stayed one night in a troubled youth centre and I had to watch her be led into the court room to hear the charges. It was heartbreaking, but she has said it is the best thing I could have ever done, as she knows she was out of control. She had to appear before the judge again after working in the community and the judge praised her and said this was a situation that showed that she was a good kid who went off track, but this brought her around. I still tear up when I think of that time, she is now 32 years old and my pride and joy. And she talks now openly about that time and would help out other teens and parents in a hearbeat to let them know that in her situation it worked. I count my blessings everyday that we got through that terrible time and that she has turned into a wonderful young woman. It may not always be the answer, but sometimes we realize as parents that we need outside help. The police officers were amazing and very, very helpful and this was definetly the last resource as we had tried councelling as well.Thank God it worked.
I recently as of the 12 of dec called the cops and charged my 15 year old daughter with theft . We have struggled since the start of gr 9 with her attitude and disrespect towards anyone whom is not her friend. She is a smart girl but chooses to fail in school by skipping and hanging out to smoke with her pals their are two girls who influence her to make these chioces, however she is solely responisible for her actions. She doesn't seem to care and blames everyone else for everything that happens. She seems to just get by the radar with everyone even the law .....if their are some suggestions would love some feed back