After Calling Cops on Daughter, Mom Wants to Reconcile
Wednesday, January 25, 2012 11:07AM
After Caryn called the cops on her daughter several times, her daughter then called the police herself to say her mother was abusing her, locking her in a laundry room. Both Caryn and her daughter were arrested. Caryn pled guilty to a misdemeanor child abuse charge and says she was also charged with a felony for mentally harming a child.
On the show, Anderson asks Caryn if she hopes to one day reconcile with her daughter. Take a look at this emotional moment from the show...
Community Question
Is calling the cops more of a reflection of the mother or the child?
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Filed Under: As Seen On The Show
Comments
Guess I have to disagree with the gentleman and his sister about how his life has been/is being ruined because of his arrest information being released by the newspaper. Sorry to tell him that almost each and every employer does a background check and would be able to find all that information themselves. Don't try to play victim! You did the crime....now do the time and accept the ramifications from it. I do agree that people that do wrong can reverse their lives and become upstanding citizens, but again - you made the choice.
As the wife of a police officer, I know that sometimes calling the police is the best thing to do when your child is out of control. Our daughters have been raised by us to be law abiding good kids, but they have gone astray too. The outside influences of other kids, tv, the internet etc. are forces to be reckoned with for parents. We don't raise children in a bubble, so we have to be on top of it all the time. Parents get overwhelmed easily with all the pressures on them and it is easy to loose track of a teen. On top of that, the need to keep them safe in what we see as an unsafe world (due in part to the news)makes us over protective to the point that we drive our kids crazy and they rebel. If your kids are trying to tell you something before they become teens - listen.
Anderson, I really enjoy you on CNN and on your daily show. I do have to say, that after watching the show about parents calling the police, felt very one sided. Totally not like you.
The mother that was arrested after calling the police on her daughter..... It's not always what people think and even though it might not be a popular thing to admit, that kind of thing happens ALL THE TIME.
I am not sure where you got that "specialist" or why you could call a cop in Anniston Alabama (I live in Atlanta and know Anniston well, they have a population of 24,000 people, the average kid quits school at 16) I wouldn't consider that to be the example of any city in any state.
However, I have an Aunt and Uncle that are incredible people. They have successfully raised 3 of their own kids, except 1. They have done so much for her kids, including me and my sisters after my mother gave us up and prior to my grandparents adpoting us.
My cousin is exactly an example of what that lady was speaking of (the lady that went to jail after calling the police on her daughter). My 14 year old cousin, lies, manipulates, steals, cheats, I could go on and on. My Aunt and Uncle switched school systems, they tried counseling at the school, individual counseling, family counseling, they even moved to a new city. Bottom line, my little cousin is a NIGHTMARE and we all know it.
When I go home, I stay in a hotel as my cousin is known to steal from family if it mean getting money. We have a very large family. We are all aware of my cousins actions.
This is the final issue after 3 years of rebellion.
My 14 years old cousin, NOT even in high school, wanted to go to a party given by some high school guys on a Friday night. Her parents did not agree and said when she got to high school, that’s something they might consider. My cousin was so angry.
My Aunt and Uncle went to the police, they did not call 911, this was probable their 7th time to file a report, when their child threatened them, warning them to watch themselves as it would be sad if one of them were to be hurt in their sleep.
My Aunt and Uncle wanted there to be a record with the police should anything happen. They were finally forced to put a lock on their bedroom door so that they might be able to get sleep.
That week end, my Aunt and Uncle went away for 1 night; it was supposed to be a 2 night get away. They left Saturday, as they felt it necessary to stay home Friday to make sure she didn’t sneak out and go to the party.
When my Aunt and Uncle returned from their overnight trip late Sunday, almost evening, the police were waiting and arrested my Aunt as her 14 year old daughter called the police and claimed that her parents put a lock on her bedroom door, the lock wasn’t on my cousins door, and they were holding her against her will. She showed bruises, minor cuts and scratches, and blamed my Aunt.
My Grandparents were there that week end watching the kids while my Aunt and Uncle went away. My cousin is somewhat a tomboy, playing sports, climbing tree's, so scratches and bruises were not out of the norm.
Regardless of all the times my Aunt and Uncle went to the police and filed reports, the police did not walk the house or check out the bedrooms to see verify if there was a lock on my cousins door, there was not, the only lock was on the master bedroom, on the interior of the door.
However, the police took my 14 year old cousins word vs my her parents even after they had reported my cousins actions as concerning.
Chares were filed against my Aunt. She faced prison time for child abuse, holding a child against her will and mental distress. My Aunt was fined almost $10,000 and ordered to attend anger management classes. My Aunt, after teaching for 35 years, was fired for having a felony charge on her record including abusing a child. That will never go away.
My cousins response to her parents, "You better think twice before telling me I can't go somewhere". Several people heard that including a policeman and nothing was done in support of my Aunt.
It's a sad a truth and maybe some people haven't given as much as they could regarding parenting, BUT many have and feel they have NO other choice but to get the police involved.
Anderson, you dropped the ball big time on this one. As a parent who has been in a similar situation,this show infuriated me. Was self righteous a requirement to sit in the audience? I sought help from the school,family court, counseling, spent months trying to find a child psychiatrist and one that accepted our insurance. It was nearly impossible! We had to call the local psychiatric mobile crisis unit. My daughter lied and lied. Child protective services was then involved to investigate her allegations which were unfounded. More counselors, family therapy, on and on. Finally after years of efforts my daughter was diagnosed with a mental illness and I made sure yo get a second opinion. That was not MY fault but I suspect your audience could have made it seem so. As far as free services, where??? Sliding scale fees? Really. Not when there isn't a penny to spare in a budget. We went through violent hell tor years. I wanted this child removed from my home for the safety of my younger children and the system would not hear of it. However if that were a violent partner in my home, I would have been crucified by this same system. I too have called the police on my daughter, it was a heart breaking experience. Don't be so quick to judge, Anderson. Children today seem to be less and less concerned with consequences and feel more and more entitled to anything and everything. Your choice of a specialist to advise was ludicrous. That woman had her head in the sand!! Once you have faced charges because your "little girl" has lied, you are VERY leery of having that child return. This is particularly so when some over zealous social worker is threatening to remove all of your children over lies and before an investigation had barely begun. Grr..!!!
I can really relate to this topic. When I was a teen I went through a rebellious stage in my life. My mother would seek outside help, counselors, threaten to call the cops and send me away. All I really wanted was for her to listen to me. I wanted her to be a mom and be there for me. She always would make excuses and blame everyone except herself. Your guest on your show today really reminded me of my mother on how she was always full of excuses. I don't understand why her boyfriend was on stage with her.... So I am 30 now, I have learned to deal with my mothers selfish ways. She still continues to live her life thinking there is an easy way out.
Obviously your expert anti-police guest and yourself have never been around an out of control kid. It doesn't matter how great or involved a parent is, sometimes kids are over the top difficult. There are such things as chemical imbalances and other contributing factors and pretending like the schools are going to help is a joke. The schools are by law required to provide and education and so they deny deny deny that anything is wrong so they don't have to pay for services. I love you Anderson but you really missed the boat on this one. Consider yourself lucky that you've never been a parent with a teen that can't be parented. It's a horrible nightmare. Do you think parents want a kid who won't go to school, who does drugs, who hits them, who punches holes in the walls? Most of the time, that is not the parent, it's the kid.
Karen, you have done nothing wrong based on show and what was stated. Anderson, you were unfairly judgemental and clearly not unbiased today which is unfortunate. This is not a strong suit of a topic for you. Not sure you have any comprehension of what can of worms you opened and where the problem really lies.
Having worked for Social Services for years and handling BCOP (Beyond Control of Parent) I want all to know that the Dr. suggestions were ridiculous. She kept stating "Services are available) No, they are not! These are the 1st programs that are cut! The parent states she had tried everything and I believe her. Social Service programs are only made available once the case has become legal. I agree calling police should be last resort however this is only b/c there is nothing the police can do. The expert on the show did not offer 1 single valid solution which is concerning!
I noticed that the mother who was arrested after she tried to get the police involved showed up with her boy friend. Plus, if I heard right, prior to high school her daughter was an honor student, and never a problem.
Now, I'm just assuming she's divorce. Well, did anyone ask her when her divorce occurred, or when she started to see this guy? See, girls are usually very close to their fathers. So, I'm sure it hurt her tremendously that her father is not a major part of her life anymore! Then, to see another man enter the picture is like twisting the daggar that's already stuck in her back. I also know that kids are seeking attention, and they'll do anything to get it - even if it's negative.
See, children are very fragile! They need to be handled with kid gloves. This guy - the boy friend, in the child's mind, has gotten in the way. So, to get her mother back, she will do anything.
calling cop to get kid out of bed? Well its the LAW! In the state of Ga. anyway. If my 14 yr.old son misses so many days of school the parent is in trouble.I could go on and on about the whole show.... but this info might help parents PLEASE look up Jim fay and Dr.Charles fay (Book: love and lagic)also watch some of their u-tubs, I went to see a Dr.Charles fay semanar yrs.ago.=GREAT. Note: I loved the story of Jim Fay when he was a princeable at a rich school, then a pour school.It would be wounderful to have them on your show (and helpful). throughing a BIG HUG at you,much Love from dambed if U do-dambed if U don't parent
I side with Caryn. Anderson sounded like he disapproved of her actions and yet he has never raised a child. Caryn was in a no-win situation with her daughter and no one was there to help her. Anderson and his choice of preppy psychologist in her little black dress and pearls is not what this mom needs judging her. This is the first time I have been totally disappointed in Anderson. Caryn deserved better.
Why does Anderson always "Speak" for the audience when he attack his guest. Parenting is difficult.
I feel for Karen the mom. I think she is in a difficult situation that after trying everything it lead to having to call the police. I don't think she failed as a mother. I think her daughter is giving her an extremely hard time. Of course parents are responsible for their children, but when are we people going to start holding the children responsible for their actions and the repercussions. This isn't a 2 y.o. we're talking about in her situation. We are talking about a teenage girl, who is well aware of what she is doing but not aware of what effects her actions have. She needs guidance, but isn't ready or looking for any. I can't think of anything that would fix this situation, but I would say to Karen to keep the door open and hope that one day her daughter will open her eyes and realize the trouble she is causing. Good luck Karen.
I work for Children's Services in Canada at at intensive treatment center for high risk youth. A was angry after watching the show aired January 25, 2012 about parents calling the cops on their children.
While I agree that calling the police should be a last resort, and calling them to get children out of bed is an abuse of resources, I found your psychologist to be very condesending and not helpful at all to the mother in crisis.
Ideally the system should work better, and childrens services should get involved, however it sounds like this parent was in crisis, was seeking support and was getting none. Her young daughter had run away...what 5 times at least and the parents were clearing dealing with an out of control child. I work in an intensive treatment center and if a child is out of control, running away or physically out of control, we too call the police to intervene, even in a staffed and trained facility and we are trained in non violent physical interventions. The psychologists messaging was scary in my mind, because it means parents of extremely out of control children have no options to protect their children or themselves if social services drops the ball which they so often do, I work for them I know. Also, in my experience even the most abused children, usually are the ones trying to keep connected to their parents, despite how toxic those relationships can be...so it is interesting that her daughter wont talk to her at all. I am in the profession of supporting children, and usually deal with very difficult parents. One thing I know is teenage girls can lie and manipulate, and make all kinds of accusations, and kids learn quickly how to work the system.
Anyways, I guess my point is, ...please use a better psychologist in the future for the show. I respect you, I would like to hope your show has some more substance and credibility than many daytime TV talk shows, but that psychologist was brutal. Not only was she judgemental and non supportive to the families on the show, but she cut the teenager off the minute the girl dissagreed with her viewpoint. No wonder parents turn to the police in desparation, I would too if that was the quality of "help" that was avaliable to me.
CPS has allowed parent not to be parents. They should allow us to do is right for our children instead they interfere and our black kids most of all are out of control, dropouts and disobedience.