After 'Obsessions': The Conversation Continues...
Friday, August 24, 2012 5:00AM
After taping Anderson's "Has Your Obsession Gone Too Far?" show, Dr. Mike Dow answers questions from our audience about daily compulsions.
Is hoarding newspapers an addiction? Should parents be concerned about their teen developing a cell phone obsession? See more from after today's episode…
What did you learn from today's show? Could you relate in any way to Dana's shopping obsession? Have you had a loved one whose obsession jeopardized the family relationship or finances? Anderson wants to hear from you -- continue the conversation below.
Community Question
What compulsive or obsessive behaviors are part of your daily routine? Do you worry they could be dangerous?
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Comments
As parents & even grandparents we want everyone to be happy & at times we overdulge trying to use buying as a bandaid to fix emotional shortcomings from whatever the source. I know one thing I would love to have Danas husband - I'm sure he is not perfect but as a 53 yr old single woman taking care of a 92 yr young Mom alone - I would love to have such a caring, giving partner!
I am/was a compulsive spender. As a result of this,my husband left me. This wasn't,of course,the entire reason,but one of the main ones. And yes, I understand it was because of my lonliness. I also did not have funds for my children's college funds. I make a good salary but since his abrupt departure (no warning) I don't even by groceries (although I am diabetic). Unfortunately...my spouse was not as supportive.
I felt sorry for Dana. I just want to know how much is enough for her children. Private school, trips to the mall. Because Mom got some disability money they are "entitled" to get college paid for?
Hope they can all work it out. I saw some pretty spoiled girls.
I enjoy your show and think it fills the void left by Oprah, but I was very upset by yesterday's interview regarding Dana's shopping compulsion. It is so clear that the shopping is NOT the problem - it is an outcome of living with a very troubled family. Dana was hammered while her daughters and even her husband acted like they could not understand her behavior. Just from the clues they presented, it is clear they all need so much help. My heart goes out to Dana and I truly hope she gets the support she needs. she is a very unhappy and troubled lady. This bordered on irresponsible.
I don't normally comment on any talk show but today I'm sure I saw how my mother was feeling when she compulsively shopped. My mother, who died of cancer 4 years ago engaged in large amounts of shopping when she first realized she was sick. She did not tell anyone she was sick for probably 2 or more yrs and did not go to the doctors to be properly diagnosed. She felt as though she did not want to be a burden to her husband and four daughters. She said there was always a wedding or new baby being born that she didn't want to make it about herself.
My reason for writing is I saw and felt the same loneliness in Dana today that my mom must have felt when she was sick and did not want to share that with anyone. The difference is, it is not too late for Dana. This show, to me, did not portray compulsive shopping. It showed a lonely, isolated, and yearning to be loved unconditionally soul that is asking for help. I wonder if it stems from her childhood and someone not looking after her or giving her the feelings of love when she was young.
I felt as though Anderson, although I'm a huge fan, was really hard on Dana today and I feel there are a lot of underlying issues there for her that she is not realizing.
Coming down hard on Dana today is going to push her farther and farther away. What needs to happen is getting to the core of what is wrong here.
I hope Dana really wakes up to her opportunity to change her life now and not wait till its too late. I was 29 when my mom died and to think of how young those girls were today just devistates me. Just today I was watching my 1.5 yr old son dance and thinking boy would my mom ever get a kick out of him.
To Dana's daughters, you act as though you think your mom is crazy. She is not, she is simply lost, sick and asking someone to help her. Hopefully they can be patient and kind.
Kerri Henry
I don't know if the Mom on today's episode is sincere about changing her life and her addiction that allowed for her and her family to solely revolve around her. Throughout the episode all of her shopping excuses revolved around others being reason. I also felt that she was emotionally disconnected from her family. She wants them to love her but she is running their lives demanding that they accept the things she gives them though it is costing them what they value in life, then says that she is doing it so that they love her. That is manipulative and selfish actions. My father who I loved dearly developed into a hoarder and socially shopped just like the Mom in this episode. Nothing and no one was as important as his stuff. He may have loved me but in the end he loved his stuff more. There is something about today's culture that allows people to isolate themselves, then when they are desperately lonely or struggling with an issue they hide all of it under piles of materialistic goods. I don't doubt that the Mom loves her husband and her children but she doesn't love them enough as she loves the experience shopping gives her and that is a tragedy.
I watched the show and I felt sad for the mother. She is trying to buy love from her family. It seems that it was the only way she knew how to connect with her kids. I feel that there is a lot of blame and I hope that this family gets the help that they need.
I was watching your show this afternoon, and most of the guests problem I believe I can sort of see myself.
I do not blame the mother as it is also up to her husband to have some of the responsibility of control, which I must say was said, but since it was the mother with most of the problem I felt that she was attacked more than the rest of the family. I can honestly say I to on long term disability and shopping seems to fill the gap of feeling useless. IF something goes wrong or is up setting to me I go and spend, money that I do not have, at times I may bring back the item for as everyone feels is the large Guilt of spending. As I was watching the mother their is also a large feeling of Depression which is another big factor of relief of spending. Her girls maybe concerned by I didn't not hear one of them say "Mom I really don't need anything at this time, maybe you may already have it somewhere" I think and only a suggestion is for the family to go through what is hidden or still in packages and start to give which item is priority and the rest to families that do not and can not afford. I know it will be hard to do, but it may help the mother to know that some of the items someone can surely use.`
Sincerely Vanessa Brampton, Ont. Canada
I saw your show while I was at the gym. A member of the audience spoke up about a chapstick addiction, which you guys had never heard of. She is not the only one. I have over 100 different chapsticks in my bedroom drawer. I am completely lost if I lose my chapstick. I typically have one or two extras with me to prevent that from happening. Although I consider myself to be addicted, I feel that it's at the very least, a relatively harmless - if not healthy - addiction. But again, she is not alone!
I think there is more wrong with this family than Dana's spending. The 16 year old seems, at least to me, a very self centered child. The husband also did not take Dana's hand when she reached out to him. I am no shrink but I think I can understand Dana's spending but even if she changes, it will not change the dynamics of this family. Maybe she should leave them all. I feel sorry for the 14 year old, she seemed very shy and by her nonverbal ways did not seem to agree with her older sister.
At times I seem to have the same shopping problem; but also I find after buying things I can't possibly do with out, I no longer care about what I bought. Sometimes they stay packed away and I don't even use or wear them. Is this just an extension of the problem?
My heart went out to Dana. When Dr. Mike asked her what she needed she said that she needed to feel loved. She wanted to be able to touch her girls without them shrinking away. I noticed that while Dr. Mike was telling her the steps she should take that she patted her husband's arm & he kept his hands away from her touch instead of touching her in response. No matter how disappointed they may be with her behavior, it appeared that she is not getting the emotional support that she needs.
I watched the show today regarding obsessions. I felt bad for Dana, like she was being attacked. The kids seemed like nice kids but spoiled. Are they also ready to cut back and not expect Mom to buy everything they want or see?
I have enabled my children and I think much of it comes from being poor as a child I dont want my kids to experience the pain of not being able to do things..When my husband traded me in on a new model he gave me only500 dollars per child I was forced to live in a basement bedroom all sleeping in one bed.I had 3 children and no other help sometimes Before we had it all.I now had all the responsibilty to pay all the bills. It was very difficult to say no. I do know some people buy things because they might need them some day
I can appreciate that the mom shops to feel good. I get that. But her husband has had his head in the sand for a long time and you would think he would be smart enough to realize his wife needs as much help for her mental health as she does her physical health and get her the help she needs. Some people think the daughters came across as spoiled and demanding when in reality I think they're probably typical teenagers. I think the point they were trying to make is they do not want (or need) useless trinkets and trash found in the clearance aisle. Yes they want the fancy phone but if mom would stop buying "junk" they could afford to have the phones. There would even be money left for a college fund. (The college fund was just an example, I think, of many items the girls, and the entire family, could have if their mother just would not shop so much. I felt the mom was feeling ambushed and started to deflect her feelings onto her daughters. It became their fault.