Anti-Purity Ball: Jessica Valenti on Fighting Sexualization
Jessica Valenti, Founder of Feministing.com and author of three books, created the documentary film "The Purity Myth," in which she explored the cultural phenomenon of purity balls and the effect it is having on young women, our culture and even politics.
"My concern is that we're fighting sexualization with more sexualization," Jessica says. "My worry is that by having kind of virginity pledges and purity balls, you're focusing so much on girls' virginity, you're still sexualizing them."
Jessica also argues that much of the reason behind why girls have embraced the purity "trend" is because they see no other alternative to the hyper-sexualized pop culture in which young women are so heavily immersed.
Jessica also questions why the emphasis of "purity" is a girl's virginity.
"When you say 'well, virgins are pure,' then what does that mean for those of us who aren't virgins?" Jessica wonders. "That we're impure? That we're damaged? That we're dirty?"
Hear more about what Jessica believes should be emphasized in healthy development for young women, rather than virginity. Watch.
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I applaude the daughters, fathers, and families that are raising their kids with morals and values. Regards, http://www.auto-rent.ro
I love watching ur show "Anderson". Hope to hear fr.u soon! My days are not complete w/o watching "Anderson". May I know if you have a facebook? Hope u can add me as friend. Take care!
Abstinence is not the big issue here. She is saying that the purity lifestyle says a girl or women's worth is all about whether she has had sex or not. Not about anything else, just her body. It's teaching young girls that what is important about them is their body and whether or not they are virgins. How successful they are in school, how kind of a person they are, etc doesn't matter if they don't have that sacred virginity. That by somehow losing their virginity makes them less o*****ood person. A person's worth does not depend on what is going on between their legs. Also, someone who chooses to have pre-martial sex isn't necessarily going to go out and have an extreme amount of partners. Once again, there is nothing wrong with having safe sex and as much of it as you want. But this idea that a girl is going to go crazy and have unsafe sex with everyone she meets is just ridiculous.
On another note:
Abstinence is perfectly alright, and so is the choice to have sex. Sex isn't essential for a relationship, and one based solely on it probably isn't totally healthy. However, it can be an important part of a relationship, plus it's fun! I mean what a way to de-stress. (Speaking of, I wonder what the "purity movement" has to say about masturbation...)
I am really amazed by the comments here. Jessica Valenti never claims that abstinence is bad or that it shouldn't be promoted. She never says it should be everyone's goal to have sex with everyone they can. She is saying women should be educated and given a choice without slander and degradation. That goes for both women who abstain and women who are sexually active.
What she says is focusing on girl's sexual status makes their sexuality highly important, and tied to their perceived morality more than it is for boys. IT IS!
Jessica and her thought process baffles me. In today's society where men and women are having sex with every person that say******o them, she wants to put down girl's for wanting to wait. Her comment about a purity ball sexualizes there sexuality is laughable. Jessica said something about not having sex stops people from experiencing great things in their relationship. I'm sorry to say but sex is not what my relationships are based on. If we all thought like Jessica why even bother putting on clothes? Her thoughts are gross and so is everyone else's who clapped in the audience. As far as boys saving themselves and not having purity balls for them, we should treat them the same as we would our daughters. I have a son and a daughter and I will teach them abstinence as the best way to live until marriage. Yes, Jessica, if you have sex with every Tom, **** and Harry then you are dirty. How many partners should one have in their lifetime to make sure they "aren't missing out in their relationships"?
Regarding the young women who have made the choice of abstinence, I don't understand why you would even bring any negative slant on their choice. Just because it is done in a "different" fashion, doesn't mean it should matter to anyone else. For them to make this individual decision is very praiseworthy and we should be building them up & not breaking them down. They will have many challenges ahead by trying to live a life of purity in this sexualized world and I would love to see a show that actually gives them positve feedback & recognition for how they are making the right choice in their lives. I also found it very interesting that when Anderson asked the question to his audience "What are the benefits to having sex before marriage?" no on answered that question. Because the absolute truth is, there are no long term benefits, but no one wants to admit that. I wish there was more opportunity for your show to uphold these young women as amazing and honorable. The choice of abstinence is an individual choice and these women are making a positive choice, why not tell them "good job?"
I applaude the daughters, fathers, and families that are raising their kids with morals and values. My parents allowed me to date a age 16. I dated lots of guys until I was married at age 24 as a Virgin with morals and values.
Does Jessica even have any kids? Her nose should be in her own business not telling good parents how to raise their kids. Her comment about kids in Montana being taught that condoms cause cancer is so very inaccurate. I have lived in Montana my whole life. I am also a health and PE teacher. We have an abstinence based sex education in the schools. We encourage abstinence but also teach contraception and adoption.
To me this subject is just part of the whole young people's society. Of course the whole 'purity' idea is very foreign to most people when it comes to teens. When I look around at our teens pushing baby carriages, unable to finish school, consequently, unable to get a job and many will loose their child because of neglect. There are young women who regret that they didn't stay a virgin because they have spent years trying to catch up after a wedding that went bad etc. The other day on one of your programs you featured girls fighting each other and wondered what was causing it. I believe our young people have lost their identity as young women and men. We have tried to teach them that there is not that much difference in gender and girls can do everything that boys can do. That may be true, but I guess we forgot to tell them that getting physical with each other doesn't prove them to be equal. All of this has taken the femininity from our girls, consequently they don't take pride in the fact that they have their say about sex. They believe to keep a boyfriend they don't have a choice in when, how, or where they have sex.
I have the utmost respect for parents who take part in the 'purity ball' and bring their daughters up with guidance and allow them to make their final decision. Bravo to them
I disagree with the following statement from Ms. Valenti:
"Ms. Valenti's point is that by focusing so much on a girl's virginity, which is intrinsically tied to her sexuality and sexual life, we're making younger and younger girls sexual objects"
No, it helps to focus on themselves, self respect, concept of good relationship without getting mixed up about love and sex. Abstinence helps to develop emotional love, bonding and respect and helps to set the the right expectation about a partner as a person before becoming intimate.
If you read one of the surveys about teenagers being sexually active, you would be surprised. Whether parents like it or not, young people have over exposure to sexuality in this country and only family can help them with setting the right expectation. Discussing such things as virginity at home, helps those who want to practice abstinence with some support system with open communication.
What the hell is wrong with this woman Jessica Valenti. She is illogical.. No common sense. Have the common sense to recognize what is positive and what is negative influence please.
First of all, Abstinence is a positive thing. It is a harder choice.
So support them with their choice.
Secondly, those people who do not want to follow abstinence, it is a easier choice, but help them understand the consequences - ex, teenage pregnancy, std etc.
Help them make informed choices.
Those two issues are different, so separate the issues and provide appropriate education. Do not use one or the other to belittle or bully people for heaven sake.
I completely agree with Ms. Valenti.
I completely agree with Ms. Valenti. Where is the focus on male virginity? This fixation on female 'purity' is just another way to control women, and we are so much more than our sexuality.
Anderson, thank you for having on Ms. Valenti!! Also, thank you for having on Peggy Orenstein!! I greatly appreciate it! :)