Mom Who Works Outside the Home Calls SAHM 'Lazy'
Wednesday, January 11, 2012 5:11AM
Some mothers who work outside the home, including a few guests on our "Are Stay-at-Home-Moms Lazy?" show -- have long held the belief that stay-at-home moms are lazy, a stereotype that full-time mothers have been battling for years.
In a day and age when career-centric women and moms have become more mainstream than ever before, a hostile rift seems to deepen between moms who have jobs outside of taking care of their children, and those who don't.
"I truly believe that… being at home and taking care of the kids is a major responsibility, but I think that's it," says Nivia, a mom who works outside the home. "And I think it's a little lazy to say that, 'Oh, you know, I get up and I just want to take care of the kids.'"
Other moms on the show claim that being a stay-at-home mom is "an excuse to be lazy," which our panel of stay-at-home moms is quick to negate.
Hear the thoughts of some working moms from our "Are Stay-at-Home-Moms Lazy?" show in the video below…
Start the conversation for Tuesday's show early in the comments below: is Nivia out of line?
In a day and age when career-centric women and moms have become more mainstream than ever before, a hostile rift seems to deepen between moms who have jobs outside of taking care of their children, and those who don't.
"I truly believe that… being at home and taking care of the kids is a major responsibility, but I think that's it," says Nivia, a mom who works outside the home. "And I think it's a little lazy to say that, 'Oh, you know, I get up and I just want to take care of the kids.'"
Other moms on the show claim that being a stay-at-home mom is "an excuse to be lazy," which our panel of stay-at-home moms is quick to negate.
Hear the thoughts of some working moms from our "Are Stay-at-Home-Moms Lazy?" show in the video below…
Start the conversation for Tuesday's show early in the comments below: is Nivia out of line?
Filed Under: As Seen On The Show
Comments
How can people think it's harder to have ONE job than two? Working moms definitely have it harder - we have to work our butts off for 10 hours a day outside the home, then come home and take care of our kids and house before collapsing into bed exhausted and doing the same thing all over again the next day. Never mind if you're a mom with an extremely demanding job like mine, as a reporter who works evenings and weekends on top of days because I write practically all the content for our newspaper. My husband works afternoons and doesn't get home until 8 or 9 every night, so it all falls on me. I have a babysitter who comes over after school and the evenings that I work late and she's my right hand and I couldn't do it without her. And I don't do this for fun or a bigger house or car - I do this out of necessity. I don't know where you all live or what your husbands do that you don't need two incomes to survive and not struggle from paycheque to paycheque, but we need two working parents in my home to properly survive. I've been without work for almost a year and it was the most stressful, financially-worrisome time of my life. We had to go to a food bank during that time and borrow money off my parents, which was extremely degrading for a hard-working woman like me. Monthly expenses for the family and house and everything else is $3,000 a month. How can only one paycheque cover that if the man doesn't have a high-paying job, even though he went to school? There would be nothing left over after all the bills and expenses are taken care of. I don't want to live like that again. Now, I am able to afford a mortgage and not live in geared-to-income housing and have a little to put away for savings for retirement and the kids' college educations. AND I am raising an autistic child to boot! Anytime I'm not working, I'm looking after him and his younger brother. So don't tell me a SAHM with non-special needs kids who doesn't work outside the home has it as tough as I do. She has it easier. Recognize it, admit it and stop acting like your lives as hard as working moms. Working moms do TWO full-time jobs - SAHMS do ONE. Pretty simple math. I'm not looking for pity or admiration - I am strong enough to handle my responsibilities and love my life, despite my hectic schedule. Some women just aren't tough enough to handle all that.
My english class in school recently did a study on archetypes and their common misconceptions, and one of the archetypes included in the Wikispace we created is the homemaker. I think you would find it interesting to see the stay-at-home mom in a different light; come check it out!
http://pleaseunderstandme.wikispaces.com/Homemakers
Yes, SOME SAHM's are lazy. Not because they're SAHM's, but because they're just a lazy person in general. Many women that drop their kids of at daycare and go to a "job" are also lazy because they don't want to deal with the issues and responsibilities of raising their own children while also maintaining or creating a happy, healthy environment at home. They just go to work and hope/expect everything else will just work itself out and be ok.
I know people (men included) that stay at home and ARE very lazy people. I also know people that go to a job and are lazy at work and do next to nothing while there and collect a paycheck for doing much less work than their fellow employees.
Staying at home, whether mom or dad, is a huge responsibility and if done correctly, takes a hard-working dedicated individual.
Yes, many stay at home moms are lazy. Many couldn't handle a job and taking care of their kids and household. Women who are more efficient can work and take care of their families. It's not for everyone. The weak women quit their jobs and convince their husbands that it would be impossible to work. It's just because they are not good enough to manage it. I work full time and spend as much time with my kids as a SAHM does. SAHMs have all kinds of extra activities they partake in (going to health club, friends, groups, tv, hours of facebook). They are not spending all that time with their kids. They are kind of like teenagers, bills paid by someone else, time to mess around all day. Free ride in life!
Wow. Lots of vitriol on all sides. She shouldn't have called the SAHM lazy. As a working mother, she must know that housework is incredibly hard, and time consuming. No doubt when she gets home from work, she still has all the laundry cooking and cleaning to do.
At the same time, declaring working mothers selfish is equally unfair. My mother was a working mother. She worked hard to ensure our material needs were met, and then came home and did housework, all the housework a SAHM does every day. Selfish? I laugh at the idea.
I was a full-time RN until my last two children were born (micropreemie twins). And honestly - unless you need that income to put basic food on the table or a simple roof over your head - I think that working while parenting is a little selfish. Having a career to buy all those extra little goodies takes time away from the most important people in your life . . . the ones who live with you. How can someone choose a new car or a bigger house or shiny *stuff* over a child? I just don't get it.
As a mother of three, a mom with considerable experience in the workforce AND a woman who recently made the decision to become a SAHM; I can tell you that most SAHMs don't have the time to be "lazy", Nivia! This "job" is alot harder than you can imagine (and might be able to handle), but it comes with some awesome rewards! Rewards that only come around once in a lifetime and if you miss them..then you miss them forever. If you haven't been a SAHM then please refrain from calling names. PS.. I hope this isn't a case of you trying to make yourself feel significant or better by putting someone else down, since there are people (men and women) in the workforce who are deserving of the "lazy" title much more than SAHMs.
I have done both. Being a stay at home mom is WAAAAY harder than going to work outside the home! I think that a lot of husbands to not value or appreciate how hard it is to be with a baby or toddler all day. And they tend to think that care of the children is all the stay at home mom's responsibility. Gee, I think my ex husband maybe changed a handful of diapers when we were together. And he certainly never fed my son. That was my job! (even on the weekends) His current wife (his third) went back to work 3 weeks after giving birth. And their nanny probably works 60 hours a week taking care of their child. The nanny even works some weekends!
That's a real jerk thing to say, Jennifer. What's wrong with you? Way to over-generalize just the way the working mothers who called the SAHM "lazy" did...not ALL working moms (i.e. myself) think that SAHMs are lazy but you sure did a good job of offended this "mom who works outside the home" with your comment. I have tons of respect for SAHMs. It's a tough job and very few SAHMs I know are "lazy". I'm a single mom. I HAVE to work to put food in my child's mouth. Am I jealous and bitter? No - I've chosen to see the glass half-full. But do I have a big sense of guilt? YES. And your cruel comments don't do anything but make it worse.
I have not seen the entire program, just the clip above. I have been a SAHM and I have worked full time with older and yonger children. My question is: The working mothers who called the SAHM lazy, do they believe their daycare worker or their nanny is also lazy? Someone is taking care of their children while they work. They say they work PLUS do all the "chores" etc that a SAHM does. Well they don't care for their children all day, someone else does and that person gets to call it their JOB.
I am so tired of this infighting that women do. "SAHM's only work 12 hours", "SAHM's are lazy", "Working moms expect others to raise their kids", "I work and my kids are perfect". It's disgusting and one of the reasons that women can't get stuff done. If we only belittle each other then we will never be equal to men, who never sit around fighting in this manner. My opinion is that if your work is valuable to your family's goals then you have the job you should have, whether you work at home or at an office. Experiences people have color their judgement and make them say and think things that aren't neccessarily true(aka can't be proven as facts). Your opinion of others is just that - yours. If you feel the need to be judgemental about someone else's choices, you may need to examine why.
Another commenter said: "What was interesting to me was the tendency that these women had to justify their lifestyles by dismissing the lifestyles of others. When we validate ourselves by discrediting others, it tends to be a reflection of our own discontentment."
I totally agree. I am a SAHM and I have always loved and valued being able to do so. I don't care if other women have to or simply want to work, I make no judgment, I think no less of them. I think the only people who name-call are the ones who wish they could be on the other side of the fence. If ou were TRULY happy and content with the path you have chosen you wouldn't needn't to put down other people for making a different choice than you.
I have been a stay at home mom for 11 years. I taught public school before having my kids. I am not lazy and most of the other SAHM's I know are not lazy either. I can think of just a few women I would call lazy, some working and some SAHM's. It's a character trait, not a employment status. Most of the wonderful women I call my friends are doing the best they can with every effort for their kids...working or not. I hope the working mom's don't forget they pay someone to take over some of the parenting responsibilities for them. SAHM's have more to do because we are doing every bit of it ourselves.
Those mom's who work outside the home are just jealous and bitter. Jealous that they are missing out on their kids childhoods, and jealous that SAHM kids are better behaved. :)
For forty years I've watched women defeat their own cause by fighting this stupid battle. The purpose of the original feminist movement was to give women choices. How utterly stupid that any of us denigrate the choices of another. I've been on both sides of this coin, at different time. Each choice is valid. Calling any woman lazy for her choice is mindless and stupid. Lazy hardly figures into most women's days, and this comment plays directly into the hands of the men who love to divide and conquer. Get over yourselves, women. There's a bigger fight out there, like equal pay for equal work and equality for the SAHM based on the work she does in the home.