Is This Polyamorous Relationship Considering the Child?
Thursday, November 03, 2011 11:00AM
After hearing Jaiya's story of being in a polyamorous relationship and raising 2-year-old Eamon with her two lovers, what are your initial reactions to this unique family?
An audience member reacted by saying, "I don't get it... it just seems so selfish. I hear you talk about your feelings about each other, it's all about you. So what about the child? To me that's a game-changer."
Do you think this polyamorous relationship is beneficial to the child? Why or why not?
"So much of this is for our son," says Jaiya. "And the reason actually all three of us are together is because of our son."
"We have a committed circle that's committed to his growth and his expression," said Ian.
Community Question
Do you think this polyamorous relationship is beneficial to the child? Why or why not?
Join the conversation.
Filed Under: As Seen On The Show
Comments
Most of you are still so blinded by your "be free and love" crap you fail to see the child has no choice. He is a prisoner of their selfishness. I guarantee one of those men will leave the relationship.
I'm a friend of Jon's and have know him for over 20 years, Even being strained in a once in a century, freak snow storm outside Atlanta, holed up in a hotel room with 11other strangers for 3 days, with no food, jusy trying to survive, all his loving thoughts and actions were on others those days. Singing and playing tv trivia games, keeping everyones minds off our perdicimemt. All I can am share with the world, trying to judge my friend and the loving choices he's made, with loving, beautiful, caring people , like he has, without even knowing who they are. Is why their loving choices wont work for most people, is because even me, those days in that room with him, couldn't keep myself of thinking of my own empty belly. But Jon did.
I'm a friend of Jon's and have know him for over 20 years, Even being strained in a once in a century, freak snow storm outside Atlanta, holed up in a hotel room with 11other strangers for 3 days, with no food, jusy trying to survive, all his loving thoughts and actions were on others those days. Singing and playing tv trivia games, keeping everyones minds off our perdicimemt. All I can am share with the world, trying to judge my friend and the loving choices he's made, with loving, beautiful, caring people , like he has, without even knowing who they are. Is why their loving choices wont work for most people, is because even me, those days in that room with him, couldn't keep myself of thinking of my own empty belly. But Jon did.
I am part of a polyamorous closed triad with children in the home. Like most adults, we keep our bedroom life separate from the child raising. So, as many have stated, we have a home with three loving adults to care for, teach and nurture the children. Historically people did not live in mom, dad and kid only homes. Entire families lived together, with parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles. The more adults to love and caretake the better. I don't like living alone. I want people and noise and interaction all the time. This lifestyle feels more natural to me than living within societies currently accepted atomic family structure.
A home with multiple loving members seems infinitely better to me than one with one stressed out parent fighting with his or her ex and struggling to make ends meet. Or scheduling weekends and holidays with separated parents. What about the confusion of step parents, especially if one of the parents does not like the other's new spouse. Monogamy has its flaws, especially when it falls apart. I am not knocking a loving two parent home. Or the single parents that make it work. Children are resilient and single,married, remarried, widowed parents love and raise great kids. I am simply stating that playing by the rules doesn't always turn out better. So why are so many people so very dead set on that being the only way?
But I think the thing most people can't get past is the intimacy aspect of a polyamorous relationship. Really though, how many monogamous partners share their intimate relationship details with their children? Both parents and kids like to pretend that no one knows Mom and Dad "do it." I think that if they are loved and secure, children in a polyamorous relationship will remain as pointedly ignorant of the adults bedroom dealings as they would any monogamous one.
The children know we love each other and them, we help each other through the tough times, we work together, and we make the fun times even more joyful because we are all together. Their needs come first. How is that selfish or bad?
It takes a village to raise a child. Adding another caretaker to the family can be enriching, even if it is atypical. Any child should be lucky to have extra people to love, educate, provide, and care for them.
I am involved in what I would call an N relationship. My husband and I (parents to two children) both have other relationships, and our children know our other partners, love our other partners, and respect our other partners. Instead of having two mentors, they have four, each with their own specialties, backgrounds, and experiences to share.
While not all open relationships may be beneficial to children, if there is a lot of turnover in relationships, the good poly relationships can be very beneficial for kids. (Not all monogamous relationships are healthy for kids to know.)
I have been in a polyamorous relationship for 15+ years. It works for me/us. It works for other friends of mine who are also in polyamorous relationships. For other friends, it's not an option they choose. That's the wonderful thing about life if it's lived well. We get to choose what works for us.
I just don't get those polyamorous relationships. I think they are nuts anybody who is married or in a relationship know how hard that is. One person for thank you.
I want to know how she know who is the Childs father.
I am part of large community of polyamorous people. There are several dozen children among the families in our community, and they are terrific kids. They are polite, creative, energetic, and bright. Whatever growing up in a poly environment does to kids, maybe other kids should get some, too.
The kids are OK with their parents having multiple lovers because their families are at least as stable as monogamous families. The parents do not hide what they do, get angry with each other, or act ashamed of the way they live.
Haters suck!
Stay out of other people's business. Just because she has two boyfriends does NOT mean she does not love or care for her child. What about a parent who has two jobs? Grow up, screw YOUR values and let people live by their own! This is AMERICA and 2011, the world is a different place that it was in 1985. If you don't like it; stay out of other people's business and qui*****ching it on TV if it "upsets" you OR move under a rock to avoid any human contact that may offend you. Who cares if you do not understand-no one said it was for you to understand. By the way, just sounds like jealousy to me........
High five to Anderson Cooper for having such a nice, intelligent polyamorous family on the show. Made my heart happy to see such a lovely family representing true family values.
This is always an interesting comment I hear from people: "What about the children?"
So I'll break down how our MFM "V" triad works.
I have two daughters that I brought into the relationship and my partner and her husband have one daughter. The three kids have three parents. All three parents work, yet we can schedule our time so that there is never an empty house when the kids get home from school. No latch key kids here.
Also, we are all college educated adults, one with an engineering background, one with a physics background and myself with a business and advertising background. Between all three of us our kids have a wealth of homework help. For instance, I suck at math, however my high school age daughter can take her geometry or Algebra II to my partner or her husband who are awesome at math. Hence, her understanding math, and thus her grades, have increased dramatically in the past year that we've combined households. Subjects I'm stronger in I help with, and there is no shortage of help since at least one of us always has time to help with homework.
Because of there being three parents in the household, I feel our children get more parental time than kids in traditional two parent households.