Tips If Your Child is Being Bullied
Kids can find all kinds of things bully-worthy about their peers; clothing, nationality, sexuality or even hobbies. While you can teach your own child principals and morals that do not involve bullying others, it’s hard to prevent others from bullying your child.
Fortunately, there are ways to deal with a bully in your child's life. If your child is dealing with a bully, below are tips from Bullying Expert Dr. Dorothy Espelage
What you can do:
- Insist on a bully prevention plan or safety plan for your child
- Call parents of bullies or bully group and arrange a meeting, if you can
- Get your child involved in other activities to build confidence
- If you have the means, get your child in therapy
What your child can do:
- Get off of Formspring and other social networks
- Tell, tell, tell! Talk to parents, and your support network
- Keep record of all bully incidents
- Manage your anger
- Reach out to other kids in your school that are being bullied
- Do not let the bullies know that they got to you
- Role-play
For even more tips and advice, tune in to today's show.
Watch a show clip of Bullying Expert Dr. Dorothy Espelage telling Anderson about these tips.
Comment below with your own suggestions, tips, advice and real-life stories about how you have curbed bullying in your child's life.
Comments
TO Caryl/Arizona.
Report it to law enforcement anyway. No, there is not much to be done to a 9 yr old, but start the record keeping and reports anyway. 9 yr old bullies become 19 year old bullies. Also, meet with school officials and ask them to come up with a safety plan for your child, where the child is separated from the bullies, not punished, just separated by an adult or different break times or whatever. Keep a record of all activity and every conversation with school administrators.
I have a 15 yr old boy who is a bully, unfortunately My family knows very well about struggle, fear,being terrorized, confusion and sacrifice.My point is this,What do you do when your on both sides of the coin? My family suffers daily, due to my son my husband and I do not live together, I am in Iowa (due to fiances and my only family) and He is in Indiana. We have 8 children together 4 are his 4 are mine. Now that we moved out and are in Iowa my husbands kids are protected and I struggle with protecting my children while trying to stay a family as much as possible. Within this society there is so much red tape and long agonizing regulations that my 15 yr old son seems to slip under the radar all the time.what am I supposed to do? I have went through so many avenues and yet doors are always slammed in my face.My family has been threw years of counseling and we get told "your son is treatment savvy" I get told continue to call the police, he hasn't done anything extreme enough. Please you tell me, What do you do when you can not get your "bully" child the help he needs? As a parent when and what is enough support for my son? what is the next step? What do I do now? I have so much to say on this topic for not only am I the parent of a bully I am also the parent of the victim!
My son is bullied sometimes too. He however right now fights back. If it came to the point where my son is getting bullied so bad that he comes home crying every day, and the school does nothing to stop it, I would first go to the authorities and check what the laws are on harassment. Then have them arrested. Then I will pull my son out of school and home school him. Let him do cyber school. This world is getting to bad and we are letting it happen. Its up to us to keep our kids safe. No one else will. My son WILL not die at the mouth of a bully. His life is more important to me than being social. I know parents work and they cant afford to stay home with their children, but find a way to get them out of that situation totally. Find the way. Bully's do not care what you or any teacher or authority figure say. No child should have to suffer so much that they would rather die. Wake up parents and fight for your kids life.
Every parent of child who is being bullied should teach the kid the art of SELF DEFENCE !, the police has a free class you can take and then you will know how to teach your child. It is a class all of us women should know for our own protection . If your police department is not offering the class, for goodness sake, find one in the internet and pay for it, is worth any money to be able to protect your child as well as yourself if you ever need to.
Not sure what is right depending on severity. When my kid was bullied verbally, i discussed with him that that the only power the bully had was that he cared. If it is not a friend, who gives a hoot what someone says? Ignore him/her, report, go on with your day. The bully is likely to find a different target who rewards with talk back etc.
My son has been bullied all year in school (2nd grade) - 9 weeks so far. I reported it to the school administration and his teacher the first week of school. It culminated this week in him being locked in a bathroom stall and bitten in the privates (penis) by one of the bullies. The other student admitted it but said he just "fell on his penis and bit it by accident".
The school gave the kid in school suspension and basically told us our only option to get them separated is to move our son to another school. I think this is ridiculous - our son is being punished when another boy sexually assaulted him...and the school refuses to move this kid to another school instead they want to disrupt my son's life further.
The police said we could file charges but against an 8-year old wouldn't get very far. We are seeing if there is any way to get an order of protection for a 7-year old against an 8-year old. If the school's address was named, we could then possibly ensure this child could not go to school with our son.
I feel for this other little boy too - what in the world is happening to him to cause this type of behavior at 8?
I truly appreciated Anderson's show on bullying - I cried through the whole thing thinking my 7-year-old could feel this way when he is 14. I believe bullying starts much, much younger than most are admitting today. At least that is my experience.
Our school said they teach character classes to students. But they have no formal bully prevention training.
Does anyone have any advice for how we can ensure the safety of our son without disrupting his life completely?
Thanks.
I appreciate everyones' opinions....Having been a soldier I support violence of action. I'm not suggesting these victims go and beat their bully to a pulp. BUT, when it doesn't stop, when talking is no longer an option; you have to surprise your bully. Hit them hard and fast.....Get them to the ground and PROMISE them, your response will be the same everytime until they STOP. Parents, it's okay to enroll your kids in a self defense program, it's okay to teach them to fight but teach them also to respect others. It's okay to fight back, to know how to fight just don't become the bully yourself. Don't go looking to fight and don't start something with the bully but don't back down when they target you. STOP being the VICTIM!!!
I think something that is often overlooked when thinking about tips for bully prevention, is that if you have a child that is "cool", or is around the top of the social food chain, make sure you teach them to stand up for the ones that aren't as lucky as they are. Bullies are followers, if someone that they deem cooler than them or commands their respect befriends and protects the victim, they will stop their actions. A little support from a respected peer goes a long way.
...Oh, and to the people trying to sound tough and say "use your fists." This is the real world not the internet, often times this will just result in the victim getting injured physically to go along with their emotional pain.
I was an easy target for bullies as a kid. I have some hard-won lessons I learned through the years that I wanted to share with others.
I learned that one of the best way to deal with bullies is to treat them with disdain. When they say or do something ridiculous or unacceptable, calmly call them on it. Calmly, and with an eyeroll and an expression on your face that clearly says "I can't believe I have to deal with these idiots" say things like "What difference does it make to you what someone else looks like?" "Why do you care?" "Don't you have anything better to do than get into my business?" or even "I can't believe I have to put up with this s***". And then ignore them and calmly go about your business. Don't let them engage you. Make it clear that you have more important things in your life to think about and don't waste your time worrying about their petty little bullying (even if it's not true, fake this attitude).
If the bullying turns physical this is a little harder, but still try to maintain the attitude of disdain. You know that you are right and they are acting stupid and childish. If you can defend yourself physically, go ahead, but still try to stay calm - just do the minimum necessary to be able to walk away and ignore them.
Try to find a social group somewhere in your life where you do fit in and have friends and support. If school is miserable, you might still be able to find a church group, scouts, sports team, chess club, gifted program, band, choir, community theater, group of neighborhood friends, or some other group where you will find people you have something in common with. I went to summer camp one year and was amazed to find that people liked me! I was popular! That gave me a lot of perspective - my school was not the whole universe, I wasn't the problem, the bullies were, and my life wouldn't always be like this.
The reason kids get bullied is that they are different in some way, simple as that. Keep in mind that many of the things that might make a kid different and a target for bullies are also things that make you unique and will help you be successful later in life. It won't always be this way. This is a temporary situation. Stick it out and live through it and make all you can of yourself and make it to your bright future. I never would have believed it when I was a 12 year old geek, but now I'm a successful software engineer, I'm happily married, have 2 great kids, and have a happy life. No one bullies me. I'm so glad I made it through those rough years so I could get to my happy life. Hang in there.
Bottom Line: FIGHT BACK and ignore the pyscobabble about counseling.
I got bullied for years. I was hesitant to fight back because of stupid zero tolerance rules which would give me the same detention and the bully. My mom was one of those moms who gave poor advice on "just ignore them" and I was really afraid of her reaction if I got detention.
Kids don't want to tell their parents because the parents will tell the principal. The bully won't get any serious punishment and it'll come out that you tattled, making your life worse.
Fight back with fists not words. Open a can of whoopass. Learn how to throw a punch. I'm sure there are videos on YouTube. They aren't as tough as you think they are and you are not as weak as you think you are. Unlike "tattling", their reaction will be to stop bullying you. It doesn't even matter if you lose the fight. Your tenacity and resistance will scare the bully. Bullies like easy targets. If you get two black eyes and he gets only one black eye, he will get laughed at. Besides he will be so surprised that you are punching him, he won't realize what just happened.
Ignoring bullies, support groups, meticulous thoughts, and finding a happy place will not stop the bullying. Punches will.
Moms, support your kids even if they get detention. My bullyying when on longer than it had to because I was also scared of my Mom's reaction if I got detention. (There is no "permanent record") It will only take one or two fights for your kid's life to get better.
After fighting (and winning), I was surprised about how many other kids congratulated me. I remember one time, I finally punched a bully right before class and gave him a bloody nose and the teacher walked in shortly after. I was nervous I would get detention, but the teacher told the bully that he deserved it.
Finally fighting back stopped bullying for me and made my school life much happier.
A few bricks through the bully's parents' windows might get their attention,
I agree with some of the comments about a "knuckle sandwich".
As a kid I remember that older kids would sometimes pick on me along with many other kids. If you turn the other cheek you are inviting more bullying. Like a dog, if you turn and run the dog will come after you. Stand your ground, learn how to punch and sock 'em square in the nose. If the bully still thinks he or she can continue, sucker punch 'em a couple of times and turn the tables on the bully. Guaranteed end of bullying. All this crap about counseling etc. does not work. Punch them in face multiple times and presto! Problem solved.
I know what I am about to say may be inappropriate, it must be said. Lately there has been this uproar over children and teens killing themselves because someone teased,talked,texted,social networked about them.And now there is all these campaigns out about bullying and "so called" experts talking about what parents and children could do about bullying. AND I AM TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT IT. Whatever happened to "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Whatever happened when parents used to tell their kids that Christ was talked about also. Whatever happened to us telling our children to say, "so", Whatever happened to us uplifting our children to be able to withstand hardships and ignorance.Whatever happened to us telling our child to pick up something and beat the crap out of them with it. Or even teaching them how to fight. Because if they can't make it through childhood what makes us think they would of been able to make it through adulthood. The truth is what we should actually be telling our youngsters is, no matter what age you are, whether you have the best of everything or barely have food to eat, whether or not you make straight A's or straight F's, whether you are gay,straight,bi,transgendered or dont even know if you are actually human. SOMEONE SOMEWHERE IS GOING TO TALK ABOUT YOU OR EVEN TRY TO MAKE YOU FEEL LESS THAN. THE SOLUTION EITHER IGNOR THEM OR LEARN SOME CATCHY COMBACKS AND TALK ABOUT THEM TOO. PARENTS TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO LEARN HOW TO PROBLEM SOLVE. Telling someone will not always solve the problem. Increase the child's self-esteem level by telling them, they only harrassing and talking about you because there is something about you that they are envious of. Or betta yet, like I said before tell them to start using their fists because if they don't they going to be trying to find someone's gun to take to school.
Bullying always leaves a traumatizing effect on the victims.I have had friends who had to change their schools because they couldn't take it as well as those who stood up for themselves.Every personality handles issues in vast manners.Not everyone has the strength to say "NO" to such inhuman acts.So society and the world at large should rise up to this act of VIOLENCE.And my sincere apologies to all those who have lost loved to this act.If u are A BULLY,STOP IT.
When my younger brother was 5, he told us he had 3 teachers. This was at the public elementary school which I too had attended for kindergarten, three years previous. Apparently it was an action taken by the school "in memoriam" of me. A few years previous, when I was in kindergarten there, a girl by the name of Diana kept slapping my hand, sometimes while I was holding a writing utensil. She would kick me as well; I got my first bruises on my shins. The first day, she slaps me while I am doing a dot-to-dot, and it makes a scribble. The next day I was on the "time-out desk". The teacher kept me there for 1 month. I get put back 1-on-1 at the "green table" with Diana, who continues to get me in trouble. Within 5 minutes, I was back on the time-out desk. This time, it lasted for 6 months. One day I decided to ignore it and looked for other empty seats throughout the classroom. Upon finding none, the teacher lashes-out to me "you know where you belong," and pointed to the infamous desk. During the sixth month, Diana decides to "crank it up" and starts bullying me in the same fashion, but getting up off her seat, and walking straight from her multi-seat table to the front of the classroom, right in front of the teacher (where the time-out desk was) to do so! Suddenly, I am all alone at the principal's office. This continues for a week - 3 times per day, Diana bullies me, and I end up in the principal's office. Finally I had it. The next week, as soon as she did her first bullying of the day, I got up and stomped straight to the principal's office. I did the same thing all 5 days of the week; one day I told the principal "this is the only place I feel safe in." The next Monday, after having to pick me up for the fifteenth time in-a-row, my mom had me wait in the car. That turned out to be my last day there. Later that year, I found out from my dad's tennis buddy that my teacher had been fired.